"Are you sure you are not shooting blanks?" Those were my wife's exact words weeks leading into our pregnancy.
Now my wife's concerns where valid. We've been together since the first quarter of 2018 and never for once did we have any pregnancy scare (which was the desired outcome). It never did cross my mind that I might be sterile because I was indifferent about having children. Nevertheless, it did begin to concern, but little did I know that God was about to clear our doubt in the most dramatic way.
We were officially in our first home a year after we got married. The thrill of being alone in a new country made us a bit carefree. What was the worst that could happen? A child? That wasn't a terrible outcome. At least we are married now.
It was mid-November and my wife hadn't seen her period and we casually joked about her being pregnant. It was a joke because a child was never in our purview. There was still a lot to accomplish and having kids was after these lot of things.
Also, this wasn't the first time my wife's period came late. So it was the conclusion that it would pop sometime during the month, but it never did and that became a reason to worry. In addition , she was beginning to fall ill. In retrospect we actively ignored all the sign because we could not come to terms with the idea of having a baby.
After a visit to the clinic, my wife took the bold step of taking a pregnancy test and it came out positive. Our initial response isn't one I want to share here but we decided we were going to keep the baby. What was the worst that could happen? Well we discovered we were having two babies.
To put things into perceptive, we were both working part-time jobs and she is running her MSc program. Not the best time to have a baby. There was so much uncertainty around our lives, and we needed help so we went for counselling.
After much counselling we decided to keep the babies after weighing our options. It was a mix feeling of exciting and dread. On one hand I was excited by the prospect of becoming a father but on the other hand was anxious of the financial responsibility that came with it.
As earlier mentioned I was working part-time in a job that was way below my qualifications, but that was all I could afford to do based on several limitations i.e. language. Nevertheless I had resolved within myself that I was going to do whatever it took (legally) to create a safe space for my wife to have the babies.
Fortunately, Austria has good welfare program for low-income families. Already that was a relieve, I did not want to fall under the category of immigrants who survived on social welfare. So my goal was to look for a full-time job within or outside Austria.
Also, my wife was allowed to work for the first four months of our pregnancy. This allowed us to plan adequately for the babies. It would have been harder if one of us did not have a job. So in a nutshell everything worked out right for us.
Was it worth it? Looking at my kids whilst writing this post, and all the joy they've brought me, it would have been a great disservice to myself if I didn't have them. Life is a lot meaningful and purposeful. They (my kids) are the embodiment of the future, and that is something worth living (and drying).