I have a love/hate relationship with fear. Fear sucks. It is debilitating and paralyzing. It has held me back and kept me stuck more times than I care to admit, yet curiously, it has also proven time and time again to be the catalyst of great change in my life.
"Fear to a great extent, is born of a story we
tell ourselves..." Cheryl Strayed
The narrative of what we tell ourselves has the ability to undercut our lives as long as we give it power. It takes awareness to learn to manage, capitalize on, and overcome fear when it threatens to keep us stuck. If left unchecked, fear will keep you stuck in the relationship that is no longer working, in the job that is unfulfilling or worse, that you hate, and more profoundly, fear will keep you stuck conforming to the image of what society tells you that you should be.
Fear is insidious and Change is its playground pal. They are very rarely apart. Change is the trigger of fear in many of us. As a primary emotion, fear manifests in all of us to varying degrees as one of the five major players; fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of being judged, fear of the unknown, and fear of being rejected.
Facing fear takes away its power. Go there. Stare fear in the face and give it the proverbial finger. So what if you fail? As long as you walk the earth you can always get back up, try again, and keep it moving. Failure doesn't define you, it refines you. It is only true failure if you never try again. Some of the most successful people have only achieved their great success after failing once or twice, or more, along the way. Failure brings wisdom and helps you learn. Failure is like the fire that tempers precious metal. We can learn to embrace failure.
So what if you are alone, get judged, or are rejected? Being alone is sometimes the best space to discover who you truly are without the noise of others' expectations. Alone is the sacred space we all need more of. I call it sacred because it is a gift and one that we rarely give ourselves willingly. It's a place where we can grow, honor our authentic selves, and take time to foster self-love. It is not always comfortable, but it is always worth it.
Once you have experienced being alone, judged, or rejected and realize that you have survived just fine, it frees you to be your authentic self moving forward without the fear of what anyone else thinks. There is great power in that. You are then free find your tribe and fill your life with like-minded individuals that will accept you and encourage your success. It is said that we become a compilation of the five people that we spend the most time with. If the people you surround yourself with are not supportive and invested in your success, perhaps you are better off without them.
So what if you don't know the unknown? None of us knows what tomorrow will bring anyway. You could stay exactly where you are and you still won't know the future. The difference between staying stuck and facing your fear is passive versus active. Passive is a submissive, unresisting, acquiescence to your situation. Active is alive, fluid, being in a state of existence. Active is movement and progress. Active is empowering.
"It's never too late to reclaim your individual gifts,
resuscitate a dream, create an authentic life."
How do you gain awareness, overcome your fear, begin to live your passion and follow your dreams? With many kudos to the wisdom from some of my favorite authors, thought leaders, and influencers, here is what works for me.
First, I asked myself, what would I do if I wasn't afraid? What would you do? Would you quit your job, leave a relationship, move across the country, start your own business, go back to school, let go of toxic friends, travel the world, start a non-profit, take a sabbatical, start a blog? What is your honest answer? What does your life look like if you had no fear?
Second, DO that. Make a plan, write down your vision. Visualize yourself living your passion, your dream. Feel the freedom, the shift in your energy. I am not advocating that you do something radical and immediate, unless radical and immediate is called for by your situation. I am advocating that you make a step in the direction of your passion and dreams. Meet with someone doing what you want to do, find out how they got there, learn from their wisdom. Make connections, network, figure out if you need to learn additional skills, do the research...just take a first step. Any step. By doing so you are looking fear in face instead of letting it keep you paralyzed. Then take another step, and then another.
"I will always find a way and a way will
always find me."
Follow your plan and your vision. It may take time, but eventually you will find that all of your single steps have brought you to the door of actually executing and living your passion and your dreams. Once you are standing there, you might as well open it. You have already learned to face your fears in order to arrive at this point. The rest is just the victory dance.
