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Once upon a time there was a pretty boy called Tobi Thornhill. He was on the way to see his Jenna Connor, when he decided to take a short cut through Bogstaple Woods.
It wasn't long before Tobi got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Donkey, but Donkey was nowhere to be found! Tobi began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Donkey. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, he saw a spotted monkey dressed in a red bowler hat disappearing into the trees.
"How odd!" thought Tobi.
For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed monkey. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Tobi reached a clearing. In the clearing were three houses, one made from turnips, one made from doughnuts and one made from chocolates.
Tobi could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.
"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"
Nobody replied.
Tobi looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Tobi a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Donkey!
"Donkey!" shouted Tobi. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"
The witch just shrugged.
"Give Donkey back!" cried Tobi.
"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.
"At least let Donkey out of that cage!"
Before she could reply, two spotted monkeys rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Tobi recognised the one in the red bowler hat that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.
"Hello Big Monkey," said the witch.
"Good morning." The monkey noticed Donkey. "Who is this?"
"That's Donkey," explained the witch.
"Ooh! Donkey would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the monkey.
The witch shook her head. "Donkey is staying with me."
"Um... Excuse me..." Tobi interrupted. "Donkey lives with me! And not in a cage!"
Big Monkey ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."
Big Monkey looked at the house made from chocolates and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from chocolates if I wanted to."
"That's nothing," said the next monkey. "I could eat two houses."
"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Donkey."
Tobi watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Donkey to Big Monkey. He didn't think Donkey would like living with a spotted monkey, away from his house and all his other toys.
The other one monkeys watched while Big Monkey put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Monkey. "Just you watch!"
Big Monkey pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from doughnuts. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
Eventually, Big Monkey started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of doughnuts, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.
"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Monkey.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!
"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Monkey never finished eating the front door made from doughnuts and Donkey remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Average Monkey stepped up, and approached the house made from chocolates.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Monkey. "Just you watch!"
Average Monkey pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chocolates. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After a while, Average Monkey started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...
...and greener.
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.
"I'm not a bush, I'm a monkey!" said Average Monkey.
"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."
"No! Wait!" cried Average Monkey, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the monkey away under his arm.
Average Monkey never finished eating the front door made from chocolates and Donkey remained trapped in the witch's cage.
"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Donkey."
"Not so fast," said Tobi. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from turnips. And I haven't had a turn yet.
"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."
The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."
"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the monkeys. He won't last long."
"I'll be right back," said Tobi.
"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Donkey back."
Tobi ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from turnips and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.
Tobi sat down on a nearby log.
"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."
"I haven't finished," explained Tobi. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."
When Tobi's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from turnips. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Tobi was down to the final piece of the door made from turnips. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Tobi had eaten the entire front door of the house made from turnips.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"
"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Donkey or I will chop your broomstick in half."
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Tobi hurried over and grabbed Donkey, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Donkey was unharmed.
Tobi thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Jenna. It was starting to get dark.
When Tobi got to Jenna's house, his threw her arms around him.
"I was so worried!" cried Jenna. "You are very late."
As Tobi described his day, he could tell that Jenna didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.
"What's that?" asked Jenna.
Tobi unwrapped a doorknob made from doughnuts. "Pudding!" he said.
Jenna almost fell off her chair.
The End