The prisoner was sitting cuffed to a chair that was welded to the floor. The human was sitting with a pile of books next to them across the metal table that was also welded to the floor. The chair was not uncomfortable and the cuffs were padded.
[Pirate] "I will never tell you the size of our group or who our captains are. You're wasting your time!"
[Human interrogator with a sigh] "Are you sure? I really don't want to have to do this to you, it's pretty painful."
[Pirate - smirking] "Do your worst!"
[Human interrogator picking up the book] "Alright, but remember, you asked for it."
The book?
Dad Jokes and really bad Puns!
[Pirate after being subjected to several of these] "Ok, ok, stop it!!"
[Human] "And...?"
[Pirate] "Alright, I'll talk!!" -- Fighting Fit
There had been an hour of it so far. Usually involving chickens, with question and response. The Human was enjoying this, but of course they were. Human riddles were baffling, and most definitely not, as the book declared, funny.
So far they had been through reasons why the chicken, a dinosaur, a Colonel Sanders, and a vast assortment of unlikely animals would cross a road[1]. Now another Human had come in for knock-knock jokes. It was horrifying.
"Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana'?" said the Head Jokester. Then they took what appeared to be a fish out of their pocket. Oh no. They were going to do I-say-I-say. It was almost too much to bear. Pirate Jorgen gritted his teeth in anticipation.
"I say, I say, I say... what ever do you have that fish in your pocket for?"
"Oh, I carry it around just for the hallibut!"
Pirate Jorgen screamed. "All right! All right! ENOUGH! Enough. I'll talk." He panted. Of all the inventive tortures Humanity had ever come up with, the ones that left no lasting or visible marks had to be the worst. "No... more... Yukyuk Book..."
"We knew you'd see reason," said the Head Jokester.
"Let's start with where you hide most of your fleet..."
Jorgen weighed up the pros and cons. More puns... or betraying the only family he knew. "There's a ships' graveyard orbiting star 342-T05-Y98 B... we power down there and... have a station hidden in a dwarf planet..."
The good news was that the Cogniscent Rights Committee would have therapists ready and waiting for him when he was done.
[1] In order: to get to the other side, because chickens weren't invented yet, he was after the chicken; and the frog, the lizard, and the elephant were stapled to each other, and then to the chicken.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / cthoman]
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