The time the CRC got it wrong. The Humans were new to the Alliance and the CRC were trying to work things out. The room for the Human was grey, everything was so non-offensive it was nearly offensive by it. The Human felt themselves slowly going mad, they needed color, they needed vibrance! The CRC's assigned quarters for the Human liaison would need some serious fixes! -- DaniAndShali
So very many things changed upon being Ambassadored[1]. The cut of the work uniform was the same, pinny and all, but now it was all gold. Including the very sensible shoes and the terry tea towel flung over her shoulder for spills that were now someone else's problem. Freshly-minted Ambassador Harriet Wyforte was approaching everything with confusion.
The habitat they had set aside for her was... Public Space Grey. That is, three to five different intensities of grey set against each other in a way that was Tasteful with a trademark[2]. At least the plants were green, but they were all cordoned off in a separate space.
"This is what I get?" Ambassador Harry said, poking her head into a different space that was for private things. Sleep, ablution, or eliminating waste. There was no colour anywhere.
She felt like the lonely petunia in an onion patch. She was already missing her tiny berth back on Stellar Endeavour. It might have been sub-standard by these Galactic Alliance measures, but at least she could fill it with more than just a taste of home. The Stellar Endeavour was still being salvaged, and she would not see her knitted blankets or family photographs for months yet.
Maybe longer. The Alliance's standard calendar was a mess[3].
Her guide and guardian for this particular tour looked very proud of themself. "These are Standard accommodations for all Alliance citizens. The garden is a part of the self-contained air regeneration system. If the plants are not to your liking, you can exchange them." A brief pause as they completely missed Harry's disappointment. "Though we do require a minimum of two trees, three shrubs, and one vine-based plant in your environment."
"It's so bland... it feels like a prison." An impression not helped by the fact that everyone around her wore livesuits. It was to protect them until a new generation of innoculations could go around to protect everyone from her dangerous Human germs[4]. "This space is entirely mine, right? I can... redecorate?"
This confounded her guide. "This space is inoffensive. It will not cause combat or anger. Why would you redecorate?"
Deep breaths. Count to ten. Try to find the most civil words to explain than inoffensiveness to this extreme was in and of itself offensive. Her species had only just recently come away from being classified as dangerous and insane. Not necessarily both at once.
This was why they thought Humans were insane, most likely. "Too much... inoffensiveness can be just as offensive as many other irritating things." A compromise came quickly to mind. "The private space isn't meant to be viewed by anyone else, correct?"
"Correct?" allowed the guide.
"So I can... redecorate. Add a little personality to the place. Make it my own."
"It... is yours," said the guide. "I have explained that this is your space."
"Yes. Understood. It is mine, but it feels like a bench on the tube station. More everyone else's than mine."
It was only the beginning of the Alliance's grasp on Human illogic.
[1] That is, turned into an Ambassador, rather than having an Ambassador Happen to you. And yes, some Ambassadors are the type to Happen to everyone around them.
[2] Otherwise known as shopping catalogue chic.
[3] The Galactic Standard Calendar consists of ten-day weeks, four-week months, and a ten-month year. As evidenced by Ambassador Harry, Humans find this greatly confusing.
[4] The immunoflu would be released shortly after the events in this story.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Bialasiewicz]
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