Why do you keep walking? You had every chance to take the plunge. You chose the path of self-annihilation.
“I’m sorry… I am no longer worthy to join you… ever since I met them, I can’t stop, I’ve still yet to finish writing their ending.” -- Anon Guest
There is such a thing as chasing a dream far too hard. Trying one's life away for a single goal despite every failure and roadblock set in one's way. Despite the Universe seemingly insisting that one should stop, surrender, or settle.
I just can't give up.
Once upon a time, an Elf put hir hand to the heart of a god, and swore a heartfelt oath. Once upon a time... that same Elf saved a village, and a small child therein from disease. I was that kid. I put my hand on that Elf's hand and made my own heartfelt oath: "I'm going to be just like you when I grow up."
I knew I couldn't rely on the power of the gods. Even when I was still bedbound, I studied what I could of healing. How and why medicines worked. How to mend wounds. How to unriddle infections. How to help people who couldn't do what everyone could do.
As soon as I could leave, I left for the first school of healers I could reach. I studied under Druids, Clerics, even Wizards. I asked questions of any other species than mine. I learned every cure I could. Ever spell, every prayer... and set off into the world to help as many people as I could before I died.
It's been years. I walk, because looking after a horse takes money away from herbs and salves to help others. I wander the world. I help the sick or the injured. I follow the gossip to the next place that needs me. And the next. And the next...
People have been telling me that I'm running myself too thin. That I'm stretching myself too far. That I'm going to die early or that I'll need to heal myself.
My feet hurt, and I'm tired. My heart feels hollow and I don't remember the last time I slept an entire night.
I haven't reached the end.
Not yet.
[Photo by Jurga Ka on Unsplash]
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