Who is a Miser?
You think it's just a stingy person? Think again!
Mr Donald was one heck of a man. He traversed from grass to grace, true; but for a man who was worth millions, his miserliness was without compare.
For starters, he had refused to upgrade the 12 - year old jalopy he purchased when he was still struggling to make ends meet. Initially, we all thought the old Volkswagen was of sentimental value to him, but then, the truth later emerged.
He had gone to ascertain the price of a new car, but after walking around the garage and comparing the prices, he quietly drove back home in his old jalopy because buying a new car would be tantamount to a tremendous waste of resources. As long his dear old Volkswagen was still able to convey him around, he had no problems.
That was not all.
He had a strict rule in his house which no one dared to break. It was known as the rule of meat, which postulated that meat be only used in cooking only 3 times a week; Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The only exception to this rule was during festivities when special events fell into days that were not on the meat timetable.
With his wife and two sons, Donald refused to move out of the one bedroom apartment they had been dwelling before his rise to wealth, according to him, he didn't want to be carried away by the ostentatiousness that often accompanied his kind of money. The house had no pipe borne water so they had to draw water from a well at the back of the compound.
One fateful day, he was sitting in front of the apartment counting some Naira notes when a huge gust of wind tossed one of the notes high up in the air. Trust Donald to react when his money was at stake. He quickly opened the house door, tossed the remaining bundle of notes under the bed and immediately went after the single note dangling about in the air. He jumped about the compound trying in vain to catch the elusive note but the wind kept playing hide and seek with him. He chased the naira note to the rear of the house, then to the front and back again to the rear of the compound.
He had his eyes fixed upwards in the air in order not to lose sight of the note, thus, he didn't know when he tripped over and fell into the well that served as a water source for the compound. He was lucky though, the water in the well was enough to break his fall but he wasn't much of a good swimmer. The well was not very deep but still, he needed help to get out of it, so he screamed for help with all the strength he could muster. No one heard him. He went at it for quite a while all to no avail.
Subsequently, he heard someone getting ready to fetch some water from the well, he started shouting again.
"Help! I'm down here"
A light shone down at him.
"Donald!"
It was his wife. She didn't waste any time. She promptly sent one of her little sons to go out and buy a rope so they can pull Donald out of the well before he'll drown. The little boy raced as fast as he could and within a couple of minutes he was back with a firm looking rope.
By this time, his wife had called on some of the neighbors to come and help in pulling her husband out of his predicament.
A young strong man positioned himself at the mouth of the well and flung the rope down to Donald who was at this point panting and almost gasping for breath. He happily grabbed the rope and got ready to be pulled out.
Suddenly he paused, he took a look at the rope and called out to his son.
"Junior"
"Yes Daddy"
"How much did you buy this rope?"
"#750 naira" the little boy replied innocently.
"What!?" Donald yelled, his eyes wide open.
"That stupid brat cheated you! You shouldn't have paid more than #700 naira for this rope. Now return this rope and collect the money back from him. Go and buy from Edith's shop, her rates are lower."
By this time, almost everyone was raining abuses on the man who would rather drown in a well than lose #50 naira. The young man who was standing over the well nearly deserted the scene but the tears and pleas of Donald's wife made him stay.
By the time Donald was finally pulled out of the well, he was almost unconscious as he has ingested a huge amount of water. He was rushed to the nearest hospital.
During the course of his treatment, the doctor realized that a tumor had formed somewhere at the base of Donald's brain.
It had probably been there for a long while cos Donald would never set his foot in a hospital for routine checkup. According to him, a healthy man had no business in a hospital. The doctor said he needed to undergo neurosurgery otherwise he won't last much longer.
"Forget that nonsense" he had told his wife.
"That doctor wants to exploit me of my hard earned money. I am fine, hale and hearty. Nothing will happen to me."
And so Donald was discharged. Over the next few days, he went about his business with gusto. He was bubbling with health!
3 days later, he collapsed for no reason and died before they could get him to a hospital.
It was during the preparation of his his burial ceremony that his wife discovered the underground chamber where Donald stashed all his money, #125 million naira in total. He never used banks because he couldn't trust someone else to handle his hard earned money.
So I ask again, who is a Miser?
A Miser is someone who lives poor, so he can die rich.
Over and out!!
Still me #mapens