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Part I
4 Bjarne
Odense, May 4, 2035Bjarne looked at the now frail and skinny hand of his wife that he was holding with two hands. The place of their wedding band still visible, although the indentation had gone. Bjarne's left hand went into his jacket's chest pocket and a shiny golden ring came out. While her face was withered by her long fight against the cancer and the devastating effects of the chemo, her eyes were still the eyes that Bjarne had fallen in love with so many years ago, and to Bjarne's contentment, the sight of her wedding band brought a spark of light back into these beautiful eyes, a spark that Bjarne had not seen in the last few months.
"I've also had it polished my love, let's see if it fits again."
Bjarne knew how much it had pained her that the wedding band kept dropping from her now bony and frail fingers and had had the ring made smaller so as to fit again. As Bjarne slid the old but rejuvenated ring on his wife's fingers, it had felt almost like the day he had first done the same. In Bjarne's eyes, she looked as stunning as she had looked on the day they got married, even though the reality was quite different. There was so much love between Bjarne and Ella, yet also the memory of that great loss and for Bjarne, there was a deep regret.
"Can you forgive me, love?" Bjarne asked as he looked deeply into Ella's eyes.
Ella looked confused at Bjarne.
"Forgive you for what darling? There is nothing to forgive sweety." Ella tilted her head slightly to the right and looked at Bjarne with a loving but visibly pain causing smile. "You have given me a life filled with love, darling."
Bjarne closed his eyes for two seconds. Then smiled at Ella as he looked at her.
"Forgive me for not being there when I should have been. Especially after ...."
Ella looked at Bjarne with a look of hope. "I'll be seeing our Magnus in heaven today, won't I?" Then a sadness dropped over her face. "I know you still don't believe Bjarne, but allow me to believe for the both of us as I always have my love. Magnus is waiting for me Bjarne, I already feel him here with me my love, he has come to guide me to the next world."
Bjarne turned his eyes up to the ceiling, then touched his right eyes with his hand, in a futile attempt to hide his involuntary body language, with something supposed to look like he was adjusting a contact lens. Ella's weak hand lightly pinched Bjarne's hand for a moment. "It's alright. It's alright darling. You were skeptical about my beliefs when we met. No need to start hiding your lack of belief in higher powers now. Just be you, love, and know even if you don't believe in him, he believes in you. And even though you don't believe it is possible, I shall be watching over you from up there my big stubborn teddy bear."
Ella paused for a few seconds and as she closed her eyes and her facial expression revealed the pain Ella was bravely trying to hide from Bjarne.
"As for forgiveness my love; there truly is nothing to forgive. I knew you were a man with many lives before I married you. I am grateful that the Lord has at least spared me the faith of your mentor's wife. Imagine seeing your husband on television with another man's wife, living another man's life, living wearing another man's face."
"Ssttt" Bjarne's face went completely white. "We are not alone Ella!"
Ella was right of course, as far as Ragnarok Society members went, Bjarne's life had been quite normal. At least he had spent it with his wife. He had witnessed his son grow up, and now his granddaughter. Yes, their son had died, and it was true that he hadn't been there for Ella in the months after Magnus's fatal car accident. Aways on a series of society chores, always away. Compared to his mentor though, compared to Mathias, at least he had been there.
But what sacrifices he and Ella had made over the years. Ella knew only a little of Bjarne's other life. Tiny bits and pieces. Those bits and pieces she knew about, such as about Bjarne's mentor Mathias, who she only knew as Buzz, and what she knew about Mathias's real-life wife? Those things she wasn't actually supposed to know about.
So many secrets he had to keep from her. She knew and accepted that what he was doing for the society was important. That keeping them secret, even from her was important. But then, some of these secrets weighed heavily on Bjarne. It was a good thing to keep them from her, keep them from the world, at least until …
Ella pinched his hand, quite firm this time, not with any real strength, but more firm than her frailty had in recent months had allowed for. As Bjarne look at Ella, he saw her face change in a strangely familiar way, she was in agony, but what before had been a source of joy for Bjarne now became a source of disconcertment.
The love that radiated from Ella's eyes even in these final moments of torment gave this moment the disconcerting memory of happy anticipation. The memory of when Ella was in labor. The memory of their son Magnus being born.
"It is almost time my love, play it for me, my love, sing the words with me one last time love."
Bjarne let go of Ella's hands and caressed what was left of Ella's hair. Her formerly beautiful long blond hair had always been Ella's pride, and losing almost all of it due to the chemo had been really hard on her.
But no wig, and no shaving the unsightly remains, no! Ella wanted to hold on to what she could, she demanded to be one hundred percent real. And when Bjarne stroked what was left of her hair now, her face lit up completely. Bjarne kissed Ella's lips, knowing this would probably be their last kiss, and as he closed his eyes, two tears started rolling from them.
"I will my beautiful swan."
Bjarne reached for the guitar which had been standing at the wall next to Ella's bed and started to softly play a melody. It was the melody of an old reggae song from the previous century.
As Bjarne tried to sing the words, he remembered how he played this song for his wife over video calls a number of times in the months after Magnus had died. It had given her so much comfort in those difficult months, Bjarne now understood why his wife had asked him to play this song for her now, why she had said to him there had been nothing to forgive.
While Bjarne had felt guilty about not being there physically, choosing this song now had been Ella's way of letting him know how much he had actually been there for her. As Bjarne was softly singing the words:
"In this great future, you can't forget your past. So dry your tears, I say"
The emotions of it all completely overwhelmed Bjarne, and Bjarne burst out in tears and stopped playing.
"I know darling, thank you, my dear. Sing it with me." Ella's soft and fragile voice sang in an almost whispering way:
"Little darlin', don't shed no tears"
Then Bjarne and his guitar joined in again as a both their eyes started to sparkle:
"No, woman, no cry"
As Bjarne sang and played softly as not to completely overshadow Ella's soft voice, both sadness and love washed over Bjarne. The loss of their son, his wife saying farewell now after a long and painful battle, a life all too often away from the love of his life, Ella, but the moments with Ella were so precious, so filled of love in each and every moment that the sweetness of their love was stronger even than the bitterness of the pain they shared.
"But while I'm gone,
Everything's gonna be alright!
Everything's gonna be alright!"
At the last line, Ella's voice had suddenly fallen silent and Bjarne heard himself singing alone. Then a gasp for air and Ella's head dropped back into her pillow. Ella was gone, it was as if Bjarne felt the moment that Ella's spirit left her broken body, but he needed to keep playing. This was the farewell that Ella had asked for, and on the off chance that she was actually right in her beliefs, her spirit would actually still be listening.
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