"Oh Mama," they said. "You are so slow."
A few years ago, the kids and I took a walk downtown. The youngest boys were too little to cover the distance walking, so I took the double stroller. A convenient vehicle but add two children, groceries and a diaper bag and a leisurely walk quickly turns into an intense workout!
To get to our destination, we had to cross a wide, busy intersection. We had neither stop light or stop sign, just a crosswalk and a prayer. My two oldest made it across fairly quickly. I fell behind. Traffic came to a halt. The cars sat and waited. And waited.
About halfway across the street, I heard giggles. I glanced up to make sure that the kids were across safely only to see them laughing hysterically. My son was holding his belly and my daughter was a bit doubled over from the merriment. Turns out, I was the cause of their laughter.
I made it across and asked what I'd done that was funny. "Oh Mama," they said. "You are so slow." They then proceeded to imitate my clumsy gait.
In hindsight, I totally get it. Me, pushing this massive carriage across the street with all my might, thinking, "Gotta get across fast, I'm doing pretty good." Only to realize, that, well, I wasn't moving very fast at all. Just shuffling along.
Don't worry. I wasn't upset. I have a sense of humor. It was funny.
Fact is, I'm slow. I've always been slow. Whether on the softball field in high school and later college or while running a 5k race. In running sprints alone or with the hubby. I'm just not that quick. Sure, I work on it. I keep track of my running pace. I'm not manic but during each run I try to cover the same distance a little faster each time. I've just never had the speed. But I finish the race. Think of me as the tortoise, not the hare. I'm ok with that.
My daughter and I on a jog this morning
Amaya running sprints
Me and my Amaya before our run
But you know what? This post isn't really about running. It's about life. It's about right now. Let me explain.
I love autumn. I love the colors. I marvel at the birds as they flock together and head south. I love the cool winds, the break from the thick, sticky air that comes with late summer. Historically, it is the time of year that I begin running outdoors. As the outdoor running season wraps up for most, I feel that prime conditions have only just begun for me.
Amaya found fallen Maple leaves this morning!
But unlike the feelings of re-invigoration and expectation that I experience come springtime or the sense of relief that I get at the start of summer, I find that the one emotion which hits me hardest in the beginning of fall is ANXIETY. Why is that? When I think about this pattern, it occurs to me that autumn is often the beginning of many things for our family. There's just so much to do!
After 3 years of living in an apartment without a yard, this year will be the first that we will have produce from the garden. Feel free to check out my recent post about our backyard garden here: How We Turned a Small City Backyard into a Productive "Bit of Earth"
And between my in-laws' garden and our own, there will be a rather substantial harvest. Is it time to can? How about freezing? Do we dehydrate? Dried apples are my favorite snack during the winter months. So, putting up the harvest this year has become a priority.
How about school? No matter how many times I tell myself and the family that this summer we will keep up with our lessons, it never fails. We do a little here. We do a little there but before you know it, we're bumming it at the beach or taking the kids for a bike ride or they're spending a week's vacation with their grandparents. You know, enjoying summer! It's a good thing that learning isn't confined to the space between 4 walls. I think of this and it comforts me!
Still, my desire to use the summer as a time to get ahead quickly begins to fade as I realize that while we did some work this summer, my expectations will not be met, again.
And when I start seeing school supplies at the store and hear of traditionally-schooled kids heading off to class the day before Labor Day, it definitely increases my stress level and puts me into Go Mode.
Also, I never thought that I would be a "Soccer Mom" (no shade intended - I love the role now!). But yes, getting 4 littles here, there, everywhere - and on time to boot, can be challenging.
How about work? As the weather changes, many potential clients are looking to begin an indoor healthy living initiative and therefore my training responsibilities pick up. This is a very good thing for our clients, organization and trainers, but it does change my schedule significantly.
And now for the issue that most parents deal with but very rarely want to discuss: the feeling that other parents and their children are doing everything better and are getting everything in life right. "Oh, So and So has had their lessons planned for the year since May or June." That idea that if you could just be as patient as So and So or as organized as So and So or as accomplished at x-y-z as So and So, then everything would be better and you wouldn't feel so stressed out. Just be as perfect as the Joneses next door and BOOM, problems solved!
I hate to admit this but I definitely fall victim to feelings of inadequacy as a parent. As I brush shoulders with other families at the kid's practices and other social events, I struggle with comparing myself, my efforts, my work ethic to theirs. Combine this with what often seems like an overwhelming load of responsibility and it's enough to make me want to climb into bed, pull the blankets over my head and hang a sign on the door that says "Not now! Mommy's pouting and has to put herself on time-out for having a meltdown!" (No, I've never done this before, but I do think about it)
But here's the thing. I know that every day that I wake up, I've got to hit the ground running. There will always be dishes to wash, laundry to fold, kids to teach, love and nurture. There will be bills to pay and meals to prepare and serve. There will be classes to teach and personal fitness goals to make and meet! Yes, I've got to get my feet moving. Every. Single. Day.
But I don't have to do it like anyone else!
I don't have to run at anyone else's pace. Yes, I may look pretty silly shuffling along, stopping traffic and making everyone check their watch. But, everyday, I must be the best me. I must SET MY OWN PACE and if I so choose, TRY TO OUTDO MY PERSONAL RECORD, tomorrow. I have to remember that it's not about competing with others but about learning from them. I'll feel less stressed-out if I study and admire the favorable qualities that I see in others, rather than be threatened by them.
I'm reminding myself of these things as this fall season begins. I want to get a jump on these thoughts before they really set in and shape my actions. I'm Choosing to Change My Mindset! I'll meet these challenges with faith, prayer and quiet thoughts. I will acknowledge them but I'm choosing to overcome them.
Life's too short, the world is too beautiful and people are too fascinating for me to allow myself to become absorbed in a self-pity party which results in my trying to do everything at once and to compare myself to everyone.
I can only move at the pace which I set. And no matter how slow that may be compared to others, today I'm choosing to travel at the speed of ... Me.
So how about you? How do you overcome stress? How do you accomplish your best you? If any of this sounds like something you've dealt with or do deal with, be encouraged. Life can be challenging, but what if we make our our own goals, set our own pace and compete against ourselves? How freeing would that be?
Would love to hear your thoughts!
Remember, STEEM ON STEEM STRONG, my friends!
Chanel