I am getting the feeling more and more that the impending system crash will come at the time when those looking for a way out are just about ready to act on what they found.
I have also started questioning the concept of free will more and more, maybe because I always saw myself as a big believer in it. But really, through psychedelic trips and a lot of observation in experience I have to give a possibility - a viability - to the option that we don't really ever decide anything as individual human beings, rather we observe ourselves acting on the direct and concrete result of pressures, energies and inspirations that are the totality, ultimately. The idea is that the totality knows itself in every aspect but the aspects can't quite grasp it all.
I still wonder how the control structure seeems to have such a big grasp on the velocity of the totality or rather: on how the individual aspects, trends and patterns in society move forward. But then maybe they have always been another factored-in aspect of the totality, hijacking certain human beings to play the bad guys on the wordly plane of existence so that we can get a grasp on our situation. A grasp on who we are and what this all means.
So while I hope I am wrong and I can find my way and a path to my grand vision, to fulfill it and to enjoy living in it for a long time, I have the feeling, and had it for a while, that the system crash will come just at the time when:
- I have made an immense breakthrough in terms of wordly success (and it hence doesn't matter any one bit any longer)
or - when I am JUST ready for the move out into the world, so that the whole structure folds in on itself the moment it is no longer needed for my existence. If it ever was...
It may just be a hint of an intuition, and mabye it's a romantic ego-born idea. But seeing how many people in my surrounding quit their job, move into a van and are making the tough choice of their life in these weeks I can't help but feel that I - as an illusory individual of separation, making his own decisions - am merely observing my persona act on the energetic waves of change that have started crashing on the shore of a new existence.
A new way of living that is a spin on the very old one. One with nature in love and compassion for myself and my beloved friends, but using all the benefits of technology to elevate the entirety of those resonating with what comes out. Of my inner world.
I really should get my album done in the next months but.... you may have guessed it, I feel that will happen when the time has come. Not an instant sooner.
Maybe we're all just playing off the cosmic note sheets without realizing it.
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