Jeannie let herself into Jimmy's place with a set of keys she'd forgotten to give back to him after looking after his cat one time. Rebecca had been the one to drop the keys to her and she kept neglecting to hand them back. They were hardly something she could leave in a mailbox for him or send in an envelope. The old moggie was long gone now and so was her friendship with him, but more than anything, it was him of all people she wanted to see right now. It was only he who could comfort her and make her feel safe by wrapping those wiry arms of his right around her and holding her tight for as long as she needed. Back when they were friends, he was her rock. Especially through the trial of her divorce. And she thought at the time that she was his rock, as well.
Her eyes stung and she stared around in the darkness. He wasn't here. No one was. But beneath the fumes of stale cigarettes and engine grease, she could smell him. She brushed her fingers along the body of his car and called out anyway, "Jimmy? You here?"
Her voice echoed, punctuating the loneliness like a triple exclamation mark. Leaning on his work desk, she took out her cell phone to call his. Something next to her trilled. Her heart sank at the sight of Jimmy's Blackberry less than two feet away from her on the same counter.
Again she called out, worried now. He never left his phone behind. "Jimmy? You okay?"
She wandered into his living area. Bathroom door ajar. Everything dark. His shoes missing from the mat he kept by the back door. No sign of where he'd gone and she wanted to be around him so desperately and lie in his arms like they had all those endless summer days the year before everything went down the tubes for both of them. Back when they were just friends and both of them secretly hoping for more. She went to the closest thing of his she could find that reminded her of a time and place she wished she could return to. His velvet easy chair. After pocketing her phone she curled up into it, picked up a gray hoodie that was draped over one of the arms, and pulled it over her chest and shoulders like a blanket.
His smell, faintly musky and a little on the sweet side, lingering all around, it was almost like he was here with her, at least in his heart and soul. Why couldn't she just tell him how much she missed him and let come what may. Why was she so afraid.