I wanna die.

Firstly, because of depression.

Obviously.

But I wanna live at the same time.

Intrsuive thoughts sucks and it suffocates the hell out of me.

I wonder about my sexuality.

I know I'm straight. But because of pornography, my mind tends to wander off the beautiful crevices of a woman's breasts and groin. But I don't like the feeling of being personally touched by a woman.

Other inappropriate stuff?

Aside from suicide:

MURDER.

I picture murdering the people I hate/got angry with in the back of my mind.

How wonderful and scary are the backs of our minds. Have you gone there? I went there once and all I can see is... nothing.

I believe in Jesus. But sometimes, because of rage, depression, hopelessness, and failure, I tend to shift back and be an atheist. Just blaspheme on the name of the Lord. But I don't verbalize it or what.

Again, I just throw it all in the back of my mind.

Seriously, the mind is the most dangerous place. LITERALLY. A lot of stuff comes in and out of it. Be it good or bad, advantage or disadvantage.

Sex.
Violence.
Greed.

_{"An Old Woman" (‘The Ugly Duchess’) by Quinten Massys}

_{Hi guys. It felt like a millennium being back on hive and write some good old freewrites again. I saw this awesome post from Freewriters and just had to jump in on the fun. #freewrite #dailyprompt}
_{I wrote this very bold and honest story for 5 minutes. If you felt any uncomfort reading it, I apologize. All of these stuff I said is hidden within the deepest part of my brain. To other people, especially those who knows me, see me as that "sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice" kind of girl. But really, deep inside this body is a hideous and frightening creature. Hence, the painting of Quinten Massys: The Ugly Duchess. Hope you liked reading it, though! 😄}

The Dark Side Of Me You Wouldn't Wanna Know

I wanna die.

But I wanna live at the same time.

I wonder about my sexuality.

Aside from suicide:

MURDER.