Now it goes without saying today men are struggling. More and more suicides are happening while many who look down their noses at men are casually scratching their heads asking the question Why is this happening? It surely can't be because they are taking men away from the root of masculinity. What am I wrong on my assumption? Well, I am going to say sorry but this post is going to have a good bit more politics than I actually want. Yet when the commentators want to make men and masculinity a political issue then sorry, I am going to have to jump in and start pointing out where the commentators are talking through their hat. Society wants men to talk about their emotions and in reality, men need their Social Support.
The root of this whole discussion is based on a Washington Post that has two different titles one is Men’s groups reject masculinity promoted by Trump, Josh Hawley or the title on the page is Men’s groups are embracing an alternative conception of American masculinity. Now you can see the issue. I personally don't care about Trump and that just tells me that the writers have a political slant from the start. You can like Trump or not, but the president hasn't been causing men to kill themselves. That's just asinine and reaks of not having a clue as to what they are talking about.
Now the second Title also shows that people don't have a clue as to what they are talking about. Men's groups are embracing alternative Conceptions of American Masculinity. First, there is only masculinity there isn't European masculinity, Latin masculinity, nor is there an American form of Masculinity. So again people are working way too hard to make people separated. and in doing so making people go against their human instinct.
Another point that is more of a good for the goose good for the gander line of thought. Men have heard from feminists again and again that men aren't women and that they need to stay out of women's issues. Yet then they put out an article written by a woman named Tara Bahrampour. I am sure she has some well-intended points about the struggles of men but how does she know what is best for men unless she is one?
Now I am not someone who actually believes that one side doesn't have any say on the others. Quiet the opposite but I also believe that you use the same rules for both sides not pick and choose when it appears beneficial a good example is earlier about men being told to shut up because they don't have a uterus. So men's issues don't need to be talked about by feminists. Now they do have some progressive men who are talking and they give some great keys to what the problem really is and I will be using them later in the post.
What does society and the Washington Post Get wrong?
Now I do want to point out what I mean when I say society. I do talk about what society is doing wrong in my commentary yet I don't think people fully understand who that "boogy Man" is. When I say Society it is the media. The media is often a reflection of society. Yet now media is Failing to accurately reflect that and is acting as if they are the society creators themselves. Society used to have an active discourse of old thoughts and new thoughts. Now if you use an old thought society tries to cancel you.
A good example of why I say media is society now is their expression of how prevalent the Alphabet people are misrepresented as being half of the country. If you look at Netflix, Hulu, or anything streaming or cable channel they have half of the characters, if not more, are gay or bi or something like that. When in reality the LGBTQIAEM2S+++++++++++ is around 5-10%. Many of the black community now believe that they are being hunted relentlessly by the police because society says that they are. However, in reality, 160 unarmed Black men have been killed by police since 2015! Compare that to unarmed White men and you get 199 dead white men killed at the hands of police in the same time frame. The media puts out false information and then actual society has to stop and question those narratives but they don't. Instead, they hear that there were 2,000 black men shot and killed by police, and we don't question the details.
For more details on this. Let's look at the page I got this information from. The title of this page is 1,047 people have been shot and killed by police in the past 12 months, that sounds like the police are out of control. Yet that is Blacks whites asians indians and other races altogether. That is also armed and unarmed, Men and Women. All the details are lumped together to share a quick scathing headline that echoes society's thought that the police are a bunch of murderous thugs and they aren't. Society is saying something that is out of sync with reality. So do your research and if it sounds a bit too far off then yeah it probably is.
Men Don't Need Women's Social Support
Now back to me talking about the Washington Post's view of society. Since the 60s and the second wave of feminism started up. The men have been targeted. Women wanted what they thought men had. If you ask any men that isn't too bueno of a complaint. That is because men's world is full of stress deadlines and time away from the kids. Men sacrifice more than they actually needed to and for some reason, women thought they were missing out on something. This has progressed with being told that men needed to share their feelings and be more open about what they felt. Now society ignores the fact that men have been sharing their emotions since the dawn of time. You can tell when a man is angry, sad, horny, or in a good mood. We share our emotions. Yet what society wanted was for men to share their feelings as women do, because men don't communicate that way this is where the push started.
This new wave wanted men to be more womanly. Many of the women loudly stating that men needed to be softer said so because they had their own hangups about masculinity and their thoughts on men. Yet I would also say there was some not-so-well-hidden misandry mixed in also. Yet you got more and more of that narrative that men just don't share their feelings and the problem with that is that men also hear that narrative and so they get the idea that they aren't supposed to share. So they closed up all because some busybody Karens didn't like how men did things. Throwing out the very obvious fact, back then that men were not women.
Yet you heard songs coming out by different artists like Harry Nilsson stating that he can't live if he has to live without a woman. Yeah, it sounds nice it sounds like a very romantic man however that man is the type of man a woman wants. Women who believe that is how men are supposed to be, suddenly find themselves writing to advice columns questioning themselves like they have a conservative fetish or they ask Quora why they are attracted to conservative guys, or they can't seem to explain why they like hooking up with Trump Supporters. The weak men that feminism has created have created men that women can't stand.
What society says you need
According to society men should be getting therapy and talking about their emotions with their wives. That same society also thinks that men will be happy staying home and being Mr. Mom. Then society wonders why women are initiating a divorce at the same time that men used to. That 7-year itch is a pain. The problem is that again this is all stuff that women have traditionally done and current man who has been drowned in the feminist pool are coming out baptized as Nice Guys. Which, you know, aren't nice and they are lying manipulative adult boys.
Society would love to have placid men who are not aggressive. They want men who do not compete. Society wants men who are not natural leaders. They want men to not take the helm and to idly let a woman come along and do the man's job. Till they don't that is.
Societies Misconceptions
Now society has really glued on to the whole toxic masculinity line of thinking without contemplating what these traits actually mean. Society says men shouldn't be aggressive. That is until there is a war to be fought or that woman wants someone to protect her property or children. Then suddenly these feminists are caught in a bit of a conundrum and wonder why their man doesn't protect them effectively. So you see Society doesn't actually know what they want, or they do know what they want and see that strong men are in their way and need to demonize the strong, noble, man so that they can gain control without actually earning that ability. I would just prefer to think of Hanlon's Razor and just assume that people are stuck in their heads and want others to do the work so they don't have to.
The traits of a toxic masculine man
- Men are Violent - we are supposed to be violent this is why men are stronger. A good man is a dangerous man who has it under voluntary control.
- Only Men Rape - Dont know if you have read the news but there does seem to be a rash of women teachers who. are sexually abusing boys.
- Suppress Emotions, Stoic, Lack of emotion - This is often their big complaint that men don't share their emotions. Yet if men do they are ridiculed by those very same women. I have talked about men's role in their relationship.
- Aggressive - Yes when a man wants something they need to go after it aggressively. That is their goals and life's purpose too. Without it, you get a useless lump on the couch.
- Dominate - Men are born leaders
- Controlling - This is what a leader does. But a real man
- Isolating - Men often do things alone. while women naturally gather together. Yet men do work with others. They just don't chitter as women do.
- Appearance of Hardness - Well tell me who gets more attention, Fit Thor or Bro Thor? Women and more want masculine men to be fit and in shape so yeah they want to appear hard. And their women to be in shape too. Women aren't attracted to marshmallows.
- Promiscutive - Try to find a female virgin. They are around but way more rare than male virgins.
- Refusing to ask for help - Yes we want to prove to ourselves that we can do it.
The Society also confuses what a real man is as opposed to what a grown boy is. and yes there is a difference. Men are those who use their masculinity for the benefit of their families and those who are in their circle. A grown boy is often a male who doesn't have their biological father in the household and is only out for his instant gratification. Society confuses the point that masculinity is actually a good thing while the absence of masculinity is where males of the human race express the traits that society is complaining about.
Look to the past
In the article a professor of developmental psychology named Niobe Way claims that young boys are often exhibiting "Cowboy Mentality" or "I can do it myself attitude". Now these two things are actually two different mindsets. The second is not a bad thing. Pioneers had that mindset and They were able to make it on their own. Now on their "own", were still with other people. Yet the On Their Own line of thinking was saying they don't need the government's help to make a living. Which is very true. For boys, they want to try it without their parents. They want to see if they actually need their parents. It is a fierce independence. That independence made America as great of a country as it has been.
The Cowboy mentality they want to pose as a bad thing. Again cowboys were rugged and strong and had a very masculine representation to boys and men. Yet the professor shows that her only reference to cowboys is through Clint Eastwood movies. This is because Sergio Liones's hero was always the lone wolf.
A better representation of the cowboy mindset is Lonesome Dove. You had two men who were committed to each other. Personalities were vastly different but that didn't stop them from being willing to follow each other from the tip of Texas to the wild Montanna country. Everything they did was in a group. Cowboys moved cattle as a group. They camped as a group. Cowboys knew if they were alone they were likely to die. Cowboys were all about the community which is what this article was supposed to be about.
Most of the rugged men in history worked in groups. They talk to their men. Washington was known to always be asking the lowly private his thoughts of the circumstance. The soldiers were always in groups. Even now the soldier or sailor that is alone is likely to get themselves killed.
Now is it inspiring when you have one soldier left and he is holding off the hoards of hell? Yet that isn't reality. Men know instinctually they need other men yet society in all its ignorant experts they have men wrong. Why? Who knows I will apply Hanlon's Razor to this because it would be truly wicked and evil if there was malice in wanting to ruin men and masculinity.
Men have always sought out the strength and knowledge of groups. They knew that a community of men was stronger than the lone John Rambo. Even The loners of the west Mountain Men still had ties to a community it may be an Indian tribe or the closest fort. They still would return to the group of people to get news and share their information.
The Todays Man
Now I touched upon this problem a bit earlier. There are other ramifications and problems with how modern feminists and Psychologists look at men.
First off feminists want men to share their feelings. Yet they also complain that eventually, the wife feels like she has become his therapist. That is exactly what has happened. These feminists and psychologists have criticized men so much that these men won't seek out other men to form a group. They have been told that what they are doing is wrong and that the only solution is to go against their nature. So who are they supposed to turn to? The men were told to share and Since it is bad to talk and share with men they turn to their wives and girlfriends.
Yet they are now finding out that men sharing their emotions isn't masculine at all they sense it deep down in their being and can't explain why suddenly their man has become a huge burden. Men need other men to talk to. It doesn't have to be to share feelings but being around other men helps men ground themselves. Wives who are happy and content often kick their men out of the house and make them go see their friends. These are women who are strong and confident enough in themselves that they have no problem having men go out to play with their friends.
Men are buying into the lies
We are told that men have all these toxic traits and that there is an odd thing called a Man Box. Yet without questioning the story many men most being boys have bought into the story as to what a Toxic man is. However toxic masculinity is the lack of masculinity. It is the lack of masculine influence in a young man's life. So when they hit puberty they are looking for answers as to what is happening to them and there is no one to guide them except for an older boy who wasn't given any direction either.
So you have a scenario of a guy talking about something he has no clue over. It is a lot like your best friend in 6th grade telling you what sex is like and you know darn good and well that he hasn't even held a girl's hand yet. Masculinity is a club that has certain rules if you don't know the rules you are basically a poser.
Yet since these men are hearing from society that men don't share their feelings they are doing just that, not sharing their feelings or they are sharing with the wrong people. like their wife or girlfriend and they are overloading them. These poor saps question why their girls always leave for the jerk because the jerk is closer to a true masculine man than he is.
Society doesn't say men need to find their community. Yet when they are young they have a group of friends that happens naturally, because groups of men are natural instincts. However often a man gets married he stays home with his new wife and kids as a man needs to do but he also forsakes his friends and so they drift apart. If he tries to go see his friends often the wife's insecurities crop up and she convinces him to stay away from his much-needed friends. Then that woman questions why he isn't as fun-loving as he used to be.
Breathwork is good
Now in the article, they talk about men doing breath work. Sitting in a circle and Ohming to music coming out of a Bluetooth device. Now this is one way to do it. Yet men actually do better when they are shoulder to shoulder with other men. Whether they are walking, digging out a canoe, or just talking shit to each other. Men get more benefits from actions taken while standing next to a guy.
Sitting in a circle is more of a girl's action. Don't believe me? Look at a group of girls 5-10 years old interacting with each other. They are sitting on the floor in a circle talking. While boys are disorganized and all over the place often sharing what happening in a rather loud tone. Boys are often high energy and climbing trees while girls are doing each other's hair or talking about what's happening face to face.
Breath work as I said is good. People breathe from the top of their lungs way too much and getting a full lung of air does everyone wonders. Now am I saying that men can't benefit from talking in a circle? Some will and that's good if they can find the connection they need through that particular way I am all for it. The more men develop their community pillar the better. Yet I believe men do it better when they are standing next to another man they trust.
So Why am I complaining?
Well, one it is so that I can process what I read. and I can get the reactionary stuff out of the way. Yet also I want to point out that many of the New Age ways of doing stuff are just the old way with way too many steps. If a man wants to be in a circle, fine but stick a drum in the middle and let the guys whack that for a bit and you will see a real man emerge from there.
The other thing is I can't stand that society is robbing boys of their time to learn how to be a man. Boys aren't broken girls. They never have been. Boys are high-energy and rambunctious and they aren't girls. This is why they need a different means of learning. The whole sit in a chair and learn for 8 hours simply isn't going to cut it. Boys have to get up and burn that energy off. I don't believe most of the boys who claim they have ADHD are actually that. They just never had a chance to really learn how to control their impulses. When they needed to run off the morning energy they had but instead these boys had to sit and learn math. That's always a recipe for frustration and acting up.
In the same vein men aren't women so they don't share their emotions like women do. They share their emotions but it's not talking to each other like their wife and her best friend do. They are just talking and the act of being with other men helps men process their emotions. Do they share their emotions? Oh yeah, all the time. It's just not how society believes men should share their emotions so they don't count that. Then they complain that men do share or worse they laugh at men doing exactly what they claim they want. Men you do share with your wife or girlfriend but only after you have talked and spent time with members of your band of brothers. When they have loaded you up with positive energy then go and share your thoughts with our girl.
Why do you think Society has it wrong?
All you have to do is look at the rise of the suicide rates in men and you get the answer. Men's Suicide rates have been around 75% of all suicide and those have increased all the way up to 2018 when they started to drop till 2020 when they exploded to the highest suicide rate on record in 2022. Several things happened in society in 2020 From an epidemic that was supposed to be this extremely deadly thing to Full court press on alternatives for young men to be.
The Isolation from 2020 what the big thing. Men who had very little male contact suddenly didn't have any. They were stuck in their house and their mind. This is a recipe for disaster.
Then You add the confusion that the woke crowd started throwing around and You had young men who really didn't know what they were allowed to do. Their teachers pushed on them an idea that gave these young men only one choice that went completely against their nature.
Then on top of that, you have the fatherless household. This has been growing since the 60s and has done more damage to masculinity and young boys than any other societal influence. Even more than the woke antics. Boys didn't get a chance to learn what it was like to have masculine influence. All they had was trying to appease Mom and the teachers in their life. Now you have a herd of Nice guys who are not getting anywhere with their covert contracts and they wonder why women don't react to their manipulations. I wonder why?
Then add the Incel's out there and their socially awkward ways. Granted these men may have some light Asperger syndrome that causes their social awkwardness but most of them don't have dads in their lives. We really don't know. Yet all of this accumulates to a bunch of men wandering around alone in the wilderness and you wonder why they are dying by their own hands.
Men need groups. It doesn't matter if those groups are breathing in circles or competing against Mother Nature. If the men are together these men will have a better chance of finding happiness with the opposite sex and Their lives will be more fulfilling. TIll they have a group they can trust and share their emotions their way these men are going to continue to hurt and be lost, and the feminists in their lives will not give a damn.
Men if you are reading this, find yourself a group. Be intentional in looking and you will have a better chance of finding men who are noble and worthy to grow with you. If you want help then please reach out and let's talk.
Posted from my blog with Exxp : https://www.relaxedmale.com/what-society-gets-wrong-about-social-support-for-men/