Good morning to you, sir! How was your drive up from Leadville? I trust you made the journey without incident?
It was fine, thanks.
Excellent! So no trouble fording Halfmoon Creek, then?
Uh, no.
Ah! Then fortune smiles upon you! Why, just this week there have been no less than five different parties either turned away or washed away by the crossing. Such travesty!
Huh. Well, I guess I made it alright.
Indeed! Indeed you did, sir! And I for one am certainly glad for that! Well — shall we proceed to inspect this fine cabin I've offered for sale?
Yeah, I'd really like to see it.
Excellent! Follow me, sir, it's not two minutes yonder. Now, as you can clearly observe, the mountain views here are simply unmatched by any other property you might also be considering. Why, just over there is Bull Hill, and Casco, and Frasco, and that's French Mountain there — and of course how could I neglect to mention Mount Elbert, our great state's loftiest summit! Imagine living in this wondrous alpine tundra year-round, nearly 13,000 feet above sea level, with such majestic views!
Yeah, it really is pretty.
Now, granted, there is no general store, tailor, cobbler, barber, saloon, whorehouse, or much of anything at all in close proximity, besides the Iron Mike Mine, of course — but the location is simply impossible to beat if you are an employee at the mine! Are you seeking employment? I know the general manager, and I would be more than happy to arrange an interview.
No, I already have a job.
Excellent! What is it that you do, if I may ask?
I'm a writer.
A writer! Superb! Up here, surrounded by these mountains, with such inspiring scenery in every direction and nothing to disturb you from your work — Yes! I am certain that this fine cabin of mine will be to you as Thoreau's cabin on Walden Pond!
Uhh … right. Sure.
Ah! Here we are! Now, you will have to excuse me, I've yet to install the stovepipe. If I was to venture a guess, I would say that it is currently submerged in Halfmoon Creek some distance below the ford. But no matter, let me show you the fine craftsmanship of —
Hang on, man. I don't get it.
Oh? What seems to be the problem?
Where's the cabin?
What? Surely you jest, sir! Why, there it stands before us!
Dude, all I see is a pile of old logs and broken boards.
I don't understand, sir, surely this is some kind of joke!
No, dude. There's no cabin here. You're full of it.
Pardon me, I do not see your meaning … what am I full of?
I can't believe I drove all the way up here for nothing. What a scam. Shit. My wife's gonna kill me when I tell her I spent all Saturday falling for some dumb scam. Shit! I gotta text my wife.
Excuse me, sir — text your wife?
Uh, yeah. Text. You know, cellphones? Texting people? Seriously, man. This is 2018. Don't be a dick.
Oh, and again you jest!
What the fuck are you talking about?
This is, of course, the autumn of 1904!
What? You're insane.
On the contrary! It is you that is insane!
That's it. I'm outta here.
Fine, take your leave, sir! Good luck escaping reality!
Yeah, whatever.
…
Hey, what happened to my car? Where's my car?
…
This isn't funny, man!
…
What the … where'd all these old buildings and weird machinery things come from?
…
Who are all these people? Where did all these people come from!?
…
And holy shit, why are they all dressed up like they're going to a vintage photoshoot!?
…
WHAT the FUCK.
Would you like to buy a cozy log cabin?
It has LOTS of potential!
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