Satire story with a moronic millionaire taking shortcuts in his life resulting in him giving that cryptomobojumpbo a try.
The Cryptoblock Land 5000 News
Are you tired of just being a millionaire? Do you have lots of that worthless fiat money just sitting around tied up in cars and homes? You are a sucker if you don’t make a guaranteed billions in alt cryptocurrency in the next 48 hours. I usually charge my clients each a billion for what I’m about to tell you. Today I’m tossing poor millionaires like you a bone. When you buy alt cryptocurrencies after a major even you will make guaranteed 10000% return on invests if you follow these simple rules. The best part is you don’t even need to know what this cryptomobojumpbo stuff even is. First things first liquidate all your assets so they can be like water you just toss at these alt cryptocurrencies, and are rich like everyone else who has EVER traded.
* Fine print: We take no reasonability for your losses this is not guaranteed
Moronic Millionaire: butler, butler, ENJAR YOU LAZY CAT WHERE ARE YOU
Moronic Millionaire: I have some wonderful news.
Butler Enjar: You are finally going stop sending money too Nigerian Princes?
Moronic Millionaire: No, no, no. That’s easy money I just got wait another-- 180 years.
Butler Enjar: I’m finally being fired, and can say what I think about you?
Moronic Millionaire: Oh you funny cat. I found a way to make billions off these new things the kids are called alt cryptocurrency.
Butler Enjar: Sir, you do realize how complex, and volatile the markets are in cryptocurrency are?
Moronic Millionaire: Exactly, I was just reading ‘The Cryptoblock Land 5000 News’ and they guarantee profit.
Butler Enjar: but, sir
Moronic Millionaire: I can’t spend a car like liquid water fiat currency now can it?
Butler Enjar: Your mother said after buying you the last eight she is not getting you another one.
Moronic Millionaire: She never understands, those people are good for the money. These things just take time.
Butler Enjar: Like that one time you bought that “winning” lotto ticket.
Moronic Millionaire: Certifiably it says on the back guarantee for 20 years. I just have to wait 20 years to collect it.
Butler Enjar: You did not even have a single matching number!
Butler Enjar: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, sir
Moronic Millionaire: On the contrary. I have never felt more googly-eyes bats spaceship indigo yellow sure about something in my life!
Butler Enjar: Why don’t you first start with the 300,000 from the car sale, and get your feet wet.
Moronic Millionaire: Nonsense these Cryptoblock Land 5000 people will not take my serious unless I put up at least 5 million.
Butler Enjar: Do you recall that swamp land in Florida you bought the last time?
Moronic Millionaire: Yes, everyone thought I was scammed that time.
Butler Enjar: You were.
Moronic Millionaire: I have never been scammed in my life! After eight months of searching they did find a American Crocodiles.
Butler Enjar: Exactly, in your swamp land.
Moronic Millionaire: It was so beautiful.
Butler Enjar: It was an Alligator! That guy you hired is still missing. . .
Moronic Millionaire: Let’s do this. Open up Excel!
Butler Enjar: . . .
Butler Enjar: But Sir
Butler Enjar: Sir
Butler Enjar: Bitcoin is not an alt cryptocurrency.
Moronic Millionaire: Not now Enjar. I’m analyzing these charts like a cryptocurrency pro!
[9 hours later]
Moronic Millionaire: I’ve got it! The last arrow is up so I buy, and become an instant billionaire.
Butler Enjar: ZZzzzZZZZzzzzzzzZ.
Butler Enjar: You did what??? AGAIN. . .
Moronic Millionaire: You know what Enjar? I think you are right.
Butler Enjar: Bitcoin is not an alt cryptocurrency
Moronic Millionaire: Enjar???
Moronic Millionaire: I need to start over again and be a billionaire.
Butler Enjar: OH NOOOOOOOOO.
Moronic Millionaire: I need to raise funds.
Moronic Millionaire: Enjar, Sell my underpants .
Disclaimer: Selling ones underpants does not guarantee profit.