As I began this school year, I found myself reflecting on our school's most recent graduates. They too would be starting a new year. Some would be at college, others would be starting new jobs, some would be entering the military and others would be chilling in their parents' basements.
This reflection caused me to think back to the speech delivered by my school's valedictorian in June.
Wow! A graduation speech someone remembered 3 months later? That is quite impressive!
This young lady gave her classmates an interesting piece of advice. She explained that whenever she meets someone, she immediately asks, "What is the wildest thing you have ever done?" She's suggested that the audience should do the same.
This is probably a solid 8 on the crazy meter. For our purposes, let's keep it below a 7.
She then went on to advise her classmates to be wild. Live their lives. Enjoy them... because in a blink of an eye they will be 50 years old sitting in a gym and watching their children's lives begin... while theirs is basically over.
She knew what she was doing. All of us old people laughed. She was ripping on us, but she really had no clue. (50 is the new 30! Right? Please? Pretty please?)
They see me rollin'. They hatin'...
I started thinking, if someone asked me this question, what would I say?
I quickly came up with that answer. Then I immediately erased those images from my mind and pondered some more.
What is the wildest thing I have ever done... that I can write about in a blog that my kids might read?
In May of 1996, I was a crazy "club kid"... well I was 25 so I'm not sure if that still qualifies as a "kid". I used to go to Industrial clubs three or four nights per week. When you live that lifestyle, you get to know the employees at each establishment pretty well. This meant I did not have to wait in lines, pay cover charges, or pay for most of my drinks. The "regulars" kind of became part of the show at the club. We also helped police it a bit and made sure people were having a good time.
One of the clubs I frequented on Wednesdays was called Crobar. It was HUGE. Although it always had a pretty big crowd (especially for a Wednesday) that year something happened that truly made it explode. Dennis Rodman (crazy person and starting power forward for the Chicago Bulls) started to frequent the club on Wednesday nights as well. When people heard this, the place blew up! It went from a big crowd to wall to wall sweaty suburbanites. It was actually kind of annoying. But somehow my friends and I fought through and managed to enjoy our free drinks (we were truly heroes).
How crazy is Dennis Rodman? Rodman is so crazy that he hangs out with Carrot Top.
On May 16th, Dennis Rodman threw himself a 35th birthday party at Crobar. Being a Wednesday night, I decided to go. There was one problem... so did Bulls players Scottie Pippen, Ron Harper, Luc Longley, James Edwards, Dickie Simpkins, Bill Wennington, Jason Caffey, and Jack Haley. Blackhawk stars Chris Chelios and Jeremy Roenick also attended. Musicians Darryl Jones (Rolling Stones) and Eddie Vedder were also in attendance. David Schwimmer and Chris Farley represented the Hollywood crowd (They were actually popular in 1996).
You get it. There were a lot of celebrities on the guest list.
Do you know who wasn't on the guest list?
Me.
As I proceeded to the club that night (I was actually going alone... I always knew people there to hang out with) I didn't think much about the fact that it was Rodman's birthday party.
As soon as I got out of the cab, I discovered how wrong I truly was. It was an utter madhouse. It looked like a disaster of biblical proportions... Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes... The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
Run! Rodman's dressed like the Marshmallow Man again!
Ok it wasn't that bad but it was the largest crowd I have ever seen outside of a club.
As I approached my bouncer buddies, they just looked at me, shook their heads and smiled.
What? How could this be? I am the great hanshotfirst! How dare they not let me in? I plead my case and really stressed, "I'm only one person... and I'm really small." But there was nothing they could do. There are fire codes after all (which I'm sure they were violating) and there were lots of paying customers.
I started to head back to the street to hail a cab. As I did, I passed by the alley behind the club. I noticed a few people hanging out behind Crobar. Assuming I knew them, I decided to approach to see what was going on. Although it turned out that I didn't know any of them, they were friendly enough so I hung out for a while. We were standing by a door. Through the cracks, we could hear the music and lots of happy shouting.
I think Ross is in there. And it sounds like he matters!
Then something amazing happened. The back door opened. A couple of people came out and started asking us questions about the club and "in and out privileges". What the hell were they asking us for? We were the losers who couldn't even get in. They were the cool beautiful people. What were they...
Oh My God!
They thought we were bouncers watching the back door!
Actually, as we scanned the area, we realized that we did kind of look like bouncers guarding the back door. Hmmm I wonder how many other people thought that? We found out rather quickly. People started walking down the alley and asking us if they could pay us to let them in the back door. We kindly explained this was impossible and sent them back to the massive and motionless line in front. As people continued to come outside for air, our small group of strangers looked at each other. None of us said a thing.
We didn't need to.
Make way ya numbskull!
We smiled and nodded at each other. When the next group of pretty people exited the door, me and another fake bouncer walked in. We waited a couple of minutes and surveyed the ridiculous scene. Then we opened the door to let the rest of our newfound hooligan friends in.
The party was absolutely insane!
Because I prefaced this by saying I needed to pick something that my kids could read if they stumbled upon it ... this is where this part of the story must end. I will tell you that I did get to sing a version of "Happy Birthday" that was lead by Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam. I will leave the rest of the night to your imagination.
The whole scene still seems surreal to me. I honestly can't believe it happened. It seems more like the plot of a bad mentos commercial than an event I actually experienced. Wait. Was this a Mentos commercial?
Nope. It really happened.