If you are like most people then you've probably woken up on the ceiling a few times and had to climb down the wall back into your bed.
It's no surprise.
I think we've all had one of those days were gravity just wasn't working right.
You find yourself having a leisurely conversation with an elderly woman at the grocery store, then while the two of you are walking out into the parking lot she slowly floats up into the air with her groceries flying all over.
Nice knowing you lady.
That's actually how I met my first wife.
I was having dinner on my third floor balcony when up she floated.
I enjoy a nice conversation with strangers once in awhile so I pulled her in and we had dinner.
"Hey thanks for saving my life." she yawned.
We all know eventually we will be joining that great circle in the sky where everyone eventually ends up standing on the underside of some celestial floor.
In the meantime though I think I have finally solved the issue of what to do when gravity just isn't working.
1. Buy heavy shoes.
Heavy shoes are great.
Not only do they work well in a fist fight because they add more power to your step, but they also add significant weight to your body and can help keep you from floating upwards.
That is a great thing in this topsy turvy gravity doesn't work very well world.
2. Wear chains inside your clothes.
Who doesn't love chains?
Chains have a ton of uses.
You can build a chain link fence.
You can make a chain collar for your dog.
The best thing you can do with chains though is wear them underneath your clothes to keep you from floating upwards into the sky like the elderly lady at the grocery store.
3. Carry a harpoon gun or crossbow with a rope attached to it.
Most people carry a harpoon gun or crossbow with them everywhere anyway so this should be no big deal.
Just make sure you have plenty of rope with you as well that way when you fire the harpoon gun or crossbow you can aim it at an object that it will attach to and you can then pull yourself down to it.
4. Always make sure to stand underneath a tree whenever possible.
Trees are truly Nature's gifts.
They create oxygen that we breathe.
Some trees give us wonderful tasting nuts and fruits.
When it's particularly cold we might even cut down a tree or two and use it for firewood.
The most important thing that a tree can do though is catch us when we float up into the sky.
So try to make sure you're always standing underneath a tree.
5. Don't make any unnecessary friendships.
Look gravity dictates that we won't be around for long so why burden others with unnecessary friendships when you know you'll be leaving them soon enough to head for that great whatever it is in the sky?
Friendships are great things but how many people can you count on one hand that have floated up into the sky?
Five.
You can count five because you've got five fingers on one hand.
No one can count to more than five on one hand.
But I digress.
It's important not to make too many friendships because otherwise everyone will be sad when you have to go.
I hope you've enjoyed these helpful tips and remember....
Try to stay grounded!
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