After making it through the emergency c-section birth of my son, I was pretty casual going into the planned c-section for my daughter's birth...
Now, I'm not a particularly fragile guy, but I know my limits. And I sure as hell know what side of the curtain I wanted to be on during this little procedure.
For those unfamiliar, I have taken the time to illustrate the set up:
As you can see, I am positioned on the 'safe side' of the curtain.
You cant see it here, but I am all dressed up in a sterile gown, just like the doctors!
The procedure went smooth as expected, the doctor showed us the baby, I kissed my wife.
It was over I could relax.
Then I heard the doctor say "Hay John, look at this!"
Without thinking, I just looked. Why would you not? Well, here is why...
He was holding my wifes uterus! completely outside of her body!!
"This is your wife's uterus. Look, these are her ovaries" - as he made a tickling motion towards what looked like the tiny wings on a skinned chicken.
NOTE: there is a reason there is no image here:
PLEASE NOT NOT GOOGLE "c-section uterus"
When I woke up on the floor I was surrounded by pillows. Quite a strange way to wake for sure.
I was quickly moved onto a gurney and rolled out of the room which gave me motion sickness. I was not feeling well at all and I couldn't shake it off.
They took my pulse, 45 bpm, "meh, its always like that" I say, "i'll be ok in a few minutes"
But they are not buying that from a guy that just hit the floor pulling down cables in a medical procedure, no they want to admit me. Problem is, I'm a man, and apparently thats not alowed on this floor, so off I'm taken...
As the orderly rolls me down the hallway to my new recovery location he asks me what time I started work today.
what an odd question I thought, why would I work today of all days?!
When I arrived at my location I must say I was impressed with the service. I was examined immediately and excessively. Even offered a sandwich and banana.
It was at that point that I realized that I was still wearing my sterile gown and little hat. They thought I was a doctor!
They must have thought I was the worst doctor in the place, passing out at a birth, and since I already had my sandwich and banana I decided to explain the situation.
The next day the doctor came to visit, I was expecting a pretty good apology, and this is what I got:
"Sorry about yesterday, but it looked so nice and new I just had to show you... Not like some of the old ones I see."
"Fair enough" I said, "fair enough."