A few months ago, I got tired of the regular stupid bar scene, and decided to go to an open mic for a change of scenery. I live in a little city dominated by the arts college here, so I was pretty optimistic about it. It's mostly people playing their original songs, and a few bands, most of which aren't bad, but there's also people telling jokes. Terrible jokes. The open mics are on Sundays, so the crowd is usually only about 30 people, and it can get really awkward and quiet for the 10-15 set until the "performer" mercifully gets off stage. The point is, after seeing this happen a few weeks in a row, I decided that I could do better, even if only marginally. I'm working on trying to put together a 10 minute set, and then finding the balls to go on stage and tell this to people's faces, just to prove to myself that I can, and then I'll probably never do it again. This is the first of a few that I've written, and it's the only one I've already shared with a friend. The response was positive, so I'm sharing it with you all here. Please feel free to leave criticism.
I'm glad I'm not black. Not because of any socio-economic situation, but because my dick would be unfairly judged as even smaller than it actually is. I think the main reason I haven't been laughed out of anyone's bedroom is because I don't have any genital-related stereotypes to live up to, and for that, I'm grateful. I tend to date non-white women, and they aren't expecting much to begin with, so when they see what I have to offer, they're less disappointed than they expected to be, and they're more willing to work with me, which is nice. If I'm lucky enough to know that there's a good chance of getting laid, I'll trim the hedges to help increase curb appeal, which also helps to keep property values up in that particular neighborhood. Also, I'm chubby, so if I push the fat back I can get an extra inch. A surprise bonus inch, if you will. I look at it like an xbox achievement that she can unlock for agreeing to stay naked after the initial presentation.