You may be asking yourself; Who is this guy and why should I listen to him? Well I assure you that my best man credentials are long and bonafide. Ok, I may be overplaying my hand a bit…. Along with doing a significant amount of public speaking I have also delivered a number of best man speeches. Without fail the overwhelming response I have received after each speech has been ‘that was the best best-man speech I’ve ever heard’. I’ve also been to a thousand weddings and heard enough bad speeches to know what to avoid. If that’s enough for you, let’s get started
#1 Play to your strengths. This might hurt a little, but you need to get a little introspective here. Are you actually funny? I mean do other people find you funny; not just your coworker who has a key chain that makes fart sounds. If you are shy, or uncomfortable speaking in public, stay away from trying to deliver a 30 minute standup comedy routine. No one is going to fault you for delivering a short heartfelt speech.
#2 Praise the Bride, Rib the Groom. This is important. I have started every one of my speeches saying something like “beautiful wedding, and an even more beautiful bride”. This is the bride’s big day, and nothing will tank your speech faster than insulting her. This doesn’t mean that you can’t joke about the bride, but try to keep it very light, or make a joke involving her that is really a jab at the groom. When it comes to jokes aimed at the groom I used the word “rib” for a reason. While a little bit of teasing is expected don’t go too far. Make fun of his messy apartment, and how the bride now has to deal with it now etc., but maybe leave out that time his business had to file for chapter 11 bankruptcy….
Example: Describing how similar my buddy and I are ‘Brian and I are both 6’ tall, play piano, and love baseball. One of us is handsome and charming, and the other is (the audience expects you to say that you are both handsome and charming. Instead you pause for just a second and then list another attribute of your friend)…. an accountant.’ You’ve sneakily complimented yourself, while taking a loving jab at your friend. Perfect material for a wedding.
#3 Tell One, Maybe Two Stories (no inside jokes). No one wants to listen to you recount the last 20 years of your life. A simple anecdote involving how you and the groom met, or explaining why you are so close is plenty. Also, you might think it’s hilarious that you call your friend piglet because of that time 15 years ago when he fell asleep in the sun…but referencing something that has no meaning to anyone but yourselves is only going to leave people scratching their heads. Save that for when you are reminiscing later, or quickly explain the context if you want to work that memory into the speech.
#4 Keep it Short. This relates to the last one, but it bears repeating. Whether you go the funny route, or stay on the sincere side of things rambling on and on is a bad thing.
#5 Don’t Overdo it with the Compliments. This may seem like an odd point, but one of the worst speeches I ever heard was an over-long soliloquy that sounded like the groom was being nominated for saint-hood. If you’re the best man everyone already knows that the groom and yourself probably enjoy each other’s company. You don’t need to spend 15 minutes driving that point home.
#6 Listen to Some Stand-up Comedians/Public Speakers. You may not notice how skilled some of these people are until you encounter a bad public speaker. How you present yourself, and your timing are crucial. I recommend viewing some old Dean Martin Roasts on youtube. One major benefit of these roasts is that they aired at a time when televised comedy was edgy, but not vulgar. The tone of these specials is similar to what you should be shooting for at a wedding reception. These specials also include a number of very talented people with varied delivery styles. Find one or two presenters that you would consider similar to yourself and pay attention to their delivery.
#7 Keep it Clean. You and your buddy may cuss and behave like sailors on shore leave when you hangout, but just remember that there will be a lot of family, friends, and coworkers there that you do not know. An uncomfortable and embarrassed bride and groom should not be the goal of your speech. Also, when recounting stories about the groom remember that things done as a child are silly and cute, silly and immature things done as an adult are a reflection of the man, and are less ‘forgivable’. Try to avoid current stories that make the groom look bad.
#8 Memorize Your Speech. A lot of people seem to think that it’s just too difficult to deliver an entire speech without some note cards. First, it is easier than you think. Second, your speech will be infinitely better when you are not pausing to look down, losing your place, and flipping to the next card. The key to memorizing your speech is to actually rehearse giving the speech (don’t just write it down, then try to memorize the words). Start by laying out the basic parts of your speech, then work through its delivery, picking words or phrases that you want to use. As you pick out the exact phrase you want to use write it down for reference. Give the speech in your head or quietly to yourself, only looking down when you need help moving to the next section. They key is to be able to move from each section of the speech to the next. Don’t worry about using the exact words or phrases you have written down. I’m terrible at memorization, but I could give each of the best man speeches I have given word for word for probably a month after the wedding because I'd memorized them in this way.
-I was recently at a wedding where two groomsmen delivered a very good speech together (sort of tag-team style). As good as it was it would have been far better without the constant interruptions as they looked down at their notes on their phones…
#9 Do Not Get Wasted! If you want to ruin your chances to give a good speech getting drunk is the easiest way to go about it. Some people may think it’s funny, but it does not reflect well on the groom to have a sloppy drunk standing up there as his best man.
#10 Be Yourself. The groom knows who you are. If you are awkward, and quiet he knows it. Don’t try to force it. Some of the best speeches I’ve heard have been subdued, heartfelt, and short. These speeches were successful because the best man obviously prepared, wrote a few jokes that were personal and charming, and was himself. That’s all anyone expects of you.
If you follow those tips you have an excellent chance to be successful come the reception. But if you still need a little bit of help here’s a simple template to give you an idea how your speech should/could be laid out.
1- Praise the wedding, praise the bride.
2- Hi I’m _______________ . Short comical anecdote (this is where you establish your background/relationship with the groom). If you are close to the family/or are family this is a good time to add a friendly joke about the grooms dad or brothers/groomsmen etc.
3- Build to the bride and grooms relationship (how they met, your first impressions “how’d he get her” etc.). Tying this section into your first section is a great idea. If for example your anecdote in section 2 involved childhood hijinks, then maybe describe how the groom has matured/grown into a good man, or make a joke about how he’s married but he’s still the same guy who used to run naked around the neighborhood….
4- The future. Explain why you’re happy they’re getting married, and what positive things are waiting in their future. Short and sweet.
5- Bring it back to yourself/final joke. It may sound corny but one joke I’ve used is “And BRIDES NAME, I know that in your lives together everyday is going to be Thanksgiving…(pause) because you married a turkey. “ Corny? Yes, but the parents, grandparents etc eat those kinds of jokes up, and its just the right blend of comedic and heartfelt. (I think that joke was originally the brilliant comedian Foster Brooks’, but remember this is a wedding. You can borrow material to your hearts content). The idea is to get everyone smiling and happy as you move to the toast.
6- Sincere toast. “Please join me in raising a glass to these two wonderful people. I know I’m not alone when I say that I wish you all the health and happiness you both deserve. To Sara and Brian”.
That’s it. Short, sweet, and heartfelt. Don’t worry too much about giving the best speech in history. Your goal should be less focused on giving the best speech, and more about not being remembered for giving a terrible speech…. and if you follow these tips you’ll do fine.