Everybody Poops
And we all publish a shit post from time to time.
If you haven't published a shit post of your own yet, you should try it, for it feels really good. There's nothing wrong with taking a little break from your regularly scheduled high quality awesomeness to have a bit of fun or take the day off but still publish something at the same time.
Many bloggers work their asses off in an attempt to make the big bucks each day. Sometimes that effort may lead to disappointment:
I worked my ass off all night and I only earned fifty cents! What the fuck kind of scam is this place! Why doesn't anyone notice me! I'm special and my posts are the best on the platform! Screw you guys! I'm going home!
But when one takes a moment to shit post:
Wow! This post only took a half hour to put together, I barely used my brain, I didn't expect a damn thing from anyone, was just having some fun, trying to kill time; and look! I made a dollar! This is so exciting! I might do this again sometime but not everyday because people might think I'm lazy and that's probably bad for business.
Should a Shit Post have $700 Next to It?
Fuck no.
Over the past many many months, people, including myself, have expressed concerns over some instances of poor quality content reaching the front page of our newspaper here.
It's not all bad! I'm not the content police and for the most part I truly don't care how others run their blogs here.
Every now and again though, like clockwork, some noob will spend hundreds of dollars to self-vote their shit post to or near the top of the trending page.
Then my left eyelid starts twitching!
My face turns red! Veins popping out! Steam coming out of my ears! Triggered!
I'm joking.
These things don't piss me off to the point of insanity. It's just fun to act like that.
Anyway
The bidbot abuse to push shit to the surface has been negatively impacting morale around here.
People are upset and there's no sense denying that.
And yes, thousands of us know those shit posting noobs spent money to get there, but millions around the world do not know that, and might assume the curators here are half-baked vegetables picked fresh from the lobotomy department.
In other words: one shit post on trending has the potential to make us all look bad.
I want to see the best of the best rising to the top.
Does that make me a bad guy?
I prefer to see people succeed. Success starts at the top and trickles all the way down. Nobody wants to be covered in diarrhea.
So we have down-votes and words.
Nearly every time I've used my down-votes, I've been treated like a thug. People bitch and moan and act like the whole world is against them because I chipped $2 away from their $1000 shit post.
When it comes to words, we often see these shit posts receive many comments. Take a look inside and it's fifty people all bitching about how this shit post doesn't deserve to be where it is. They're right, but everyone looks like assholes, the negativity is contagious, more assholes enter the fray, it turns into a shit-show, and nothing changes.
Then underneath all that mayhem, we have a hoard of zombies:
Wonderful information! Me love you long time! Please upvote me I upvote you and follow follow! I hope to see posts like this again in the future! Wow! You're amazing! BEST HUMAN ALIVE! Please don't forget to visit my blog for I need help as you can see! Now off I go to kiss someone else's ass! Please don't forget about me! I will never forget about you! I think I'm in love! Such wonderful post you have here! It makes me hard! Ta-ta!
The Shit-Poster Receives Mixed Messages
They think the assholes expressing concerns are just simple trolls and take sides with the zombies...
So, they shit-post again, and boost it straight up to the top of the goddamn trending page, again.
We're setting them up for failure. Nobody is telling them the truth. People are complaining about bid-bots instead of looking directly at the shit-poster and saying:
Hey man! What the fuck were you thinking? This is shit! Total shit! You can do better! Why would you spend hundreds of dollars just to show everyone how fucking lazy you are! Are you on glue, sir? Did a donkey kick your head when you were a baby? Don't listen to your mom if she said, "Good job son," because she's lying to you! Your own mother! She doesn't want to see you cry again! That's all it is! So come on! Pull up your socks! Get with the program! You can shit in a toilet for free! Why would you spend hundreds to take a shit here on all of us! I don't have a shit fetish! I don't remember reading any fine print stating you will shit it my mouth and I'm to enjoy it with a smile and a complementary paper towel for wiping up later once it all stops coming out!
Yeah, yeah. I know, I know...
"Calm down @NoNamesLeftToUse. You're making a scene."
Yes, I'm well aware of this world I live in now where everyone wants to be cuddled and thinks their participation award is just as valuable as the gold medal.
I think part of the reason we have bidbots was to cater to this crowd of:
How come I'm not getting anything! Where's mine whine whine whine whine whine!
So they buy $50 worth of rewards and earn nothing just so they can sit with the cool crowd who actually earned $50 for doing something awesome and working hard for two years so they could get somewhere in life.
Again
If we're not honest with these people, we're setting them up for failure.
They need to know the truth. If being honest makes me an asshole, so be it, that's just a sign of the times.
If I see my best friend doing something stupid like picking a fight with a guy that looks like he could kill all of us with one swing, I'm going to say something. I don't care if it hurts his feelings because his face is going to hurt one hell of a lot more in a few minutes if I don't step in and criticize his self-destructive behavior.
Everyone needs a good kick in the ass sometimes.
We've all seen those people on television throw a hissy fit after being thrown out of the audition room by three judges who all thought the singing performance was the worst thing they've ever heard. It took twenty-five fucking years for someone to finally put that entitled crybaby in their place. All those judges said was, "No. Not good enough," plus a few other things, and they were right because that person should not be singing. Who cares if someone finally told them the truth. They deserved it and now they can move on with their life hopefully doing something constructive and setting goals they can actually achieve. It's a good thing.
I could spend hundreds of dollars
to boost this picture of a lion up to the top of the trending page.
Those zombies would treat me like a god and tell me I'm the best artist in the world.
Not because the "art" is good, but because there's $700 next to it.
Those zombies are the main reason why I don't push my good work up there. It's like paying people to clap for me when I push the button that says it's time to applaud.
I'd just end up spending five hours telling each one of those individuals to stop kissing my ass and learn how to be honest with people. I don't want a fake reaction, and that's all one gets when they fake their rewards. That shit would drive me crazy.
So I've Been Experimenting
Putting my ass on the line and seeing positive results.
I've paid a visit to a few shit posting trenders this past week. I lay into them, apply the Shit Post of the Day Award, they're probably embarrassed, I don't care.
A few hours later I revisit the post, I see improvements. I know the next time they post will be better than the last. I'm sure others see how some of us aren't afraid to be honest anymore, so they too will want to do a good job. Now these folks can move forward instead of in reverse and hopefully succeed.
So, basically, if you'd like to enter your post into the running for the Shit Post of the Day Award simply:
- Be lazy as fuck
- Boost your bullshit near the top of the trending page
- Embrace the fake zombie response
- Act like you're famous and everyone loves you
Then I'll come over and pull a Simon Cowell on your ass.
Simple!
Getting on the trending page is the easiest thing to do on this platform. A trained one-armed circus monkey could do it blindfolded and dehydrated so just being there does not make anyone better than anyone else. Do a good job if you want everyone to see you. Do you wear your fucking pajamas with the shit stain running half way up the back or do you at least put on some jeans and a hat when you go out in public?
Please don't forget life's basics when you decide to park your ass on the trending page. Have a shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair and put on your best suit. Is that really too much to ask?
Have a nice day.
