A few weeks ago I wrote a post talking about several things I don’t understand about musicals. As you might know, I hate musicals, so writing that post was a lot of fun for me. The rant comes naturally, you know!
Today however, I am going to talk about a few things about action movies that make no sense at all. I know this is a recurring theme in movies in general, but action movies manage to take it up a notch, or a few notches for that matter!
You see, there is ‘breaking the laws of physics’ and then there is ‘completely obliterating them and coming up with your own’. If it was the former, I would take no issue at all, but action movies always try and go the latter route and that’s where I draw the line!
So, without further adieu, let me share with you all, a few things about these movies, that make me want to roll my eyes and ‘get to the chopper’ just so I could escape the movie theatre.
1. Cool Guys Don’t Look At Explosions
This has to be one of everyone’s favourite action movie cliches because who doesn’t love a big explosion in the background while the hero walks towards the camera in slow motion right?
The problem is that every other movie is doing it right now but that’s not even the part to fuss about. Do you know how dangerous it would be to do that in real life?
If you have ever been anywhere near to even a mid-sized fire, you would know that the amount of heat is just unbearable. So, walking just a few feet away from major explosions is a sure shot way to book a ride to the hospital if not the afterlife!
2. Bullets Don’t Touch The Hero
Somehow every hero in an action movie comes equipped with an ever lasting luck, or maybe it’s just a bullet diverting technology that they don’t show explicitly and believe viewers will just assume the same.
We have all seen a single hero take down dozens of highly armed bad guys as if it was just a walk in the park. The absolute eye roller is when the bad guys shoot a gazillion bullets at the good guy and he never gets hit once!
Add to this the fact that every shot of his is bang on target and the frustration quickly becomes real. In real life, the good guy wouldn’t even be able to get past 1 machine gun let alone 10.
3. Cheesy One Liners
This cliche is shared by both the hero and the villain. You might have seen a million times when the hero is about to put the villain out of his misery or vice-versa, that they have to say something cheesy and it has to be a one liner!
Don’t get me wrong, some of these one liners are my favourite, like “Hast-la-vista baby”, “I’ll be back”, ”Yippee Ki Yay” or even “This is Sparta”, but a lot of the times they are just plain unnecessary, especially when used by the bad guy.
I mean, if you want to kill the hero, just do it. Don’t waste your time coming up with the best comebacks in the form of one liners and give the hero the opportunity to escape! Come on man, you’re supposed to be a mastermind!!
4. Car Chases
This one is another favourite one of mine and if you have seen any of the last few Fast and Furious movies, you know what I am going to say. Car chases are just beyond any applicable laws of physics known to man.
First of all, what in the heck are those cars in movies made of? Vibranium? No matter how many things they crash into, they still keep going, at full speed! Also, bullets conveniently don’t seem to have their effect here too! The hero just won’t get shot, people!
In one of the Fast and Furious movies, they literally had cars jump off from one skyscraper to the other and they were still functional! Be it driving down the hills, on roads, on boats, inside buildings, or anywhere else, your basic rules just don’t apply to car chases!!