Hello and welcome to the
SASQUATCH RECONNAISSANCE GUIDE
Today we'll be learning how to "Squatch" safely and effectively. The techniques you'll learn in this article are also effective in pursuit of Ogopogo, Ahool and a variety of fresh or salt water Turtles.
Before we venture off into deep back country wilderness, there's a few rules we need to remember first.
Part one is going to cover the 3 basic rules of Squatching
Let's begin!
- Rule #1 -
Leave the perfume and cologne at home! Sasquatch have a highly developed sense of smell and find most fragrances to be quite offensive. There are a few cases where scents such as Santal 33 by Le Labo or One Million by Paco Rabanne have been known to sexually arouse Sasquatch leading to complications...
- Rule #2 -
Bring healthy foods. You'll be out there for a few days and not only will you need to feed yourself, but you'll be using food as bait to lure the Sasquatch in. Fast foods like McDonalds or Taco Bell are extremely non-conducive to remaining discreet on your excursion.
FOUL LANGUAGE WARNING
You don't want to be squirting wet shits all over the forest floor, let alone a 700lb - 900lb cryptid.
For some healthy choices
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- Rule #3 -
Bring instruments! As we all know too well, it's damn near impossible to get a decent radio signal in the mountains let alone WiFi. This is, in large part, a major contributing factor to why Sasquatch has never acclimated to nor adopted the use of technology. It's believed that Sasquatch is a master of playing the spoons himself, yet rarely has anyone to jam with.
Be warned... Any songs by Nickleback might get you killed. Sasquatch hates Nickleback.
And thus concludes the first part of the
SASQUATCH RECONNAISSANCE GUIDE
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CLICK HERE FOR Pt 2!!!
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