Posting daily 5 quotes, jokes, motivational and true stories.
Three elderly couple's are having dinner. The first man to his wife," Pass the sugar, SUGAR!" Not to be outdone, the second man ask his wife, "Pass the honey, HONEY!" While this is going on, the first two couples are looking lovingly into each others eyes.
Finally the third man pipes up, "Pass the tea, BAG!"
Would of loved to
have seen the look on her face! Awkward situation! No coming back from that?
An English hunter determined to catch a dear is warned by the African tribesmans' not to venture over a particular mountain. As there was a bear in that particular area renown for raping and forcing sex on any person stupid enough to venture into his territory. The Englishman being particularly stubborn and arrogant decides that the local legends are nothing more than superstition. So he ventures over the mountain. Suddenly he hears an all mighty roar that sends shivers down his spine. In the distance, he sees a huge beast of a bear, towering over eight feet in height, rushing towards him. He fires off a shot and misses. In fright he turns to flee, stumbles and panics. Suddenly the bear is upon him, ripping off his clothes and shredding them to pieces. The bear violently enters the man from behind and starts to pound the man endlessly and after an hour of non stop pounding, both the bear and man fall; exhausted from their exertion. The bear slowly wanders back into the jungle. The man, in pain slowly crawls his way back over the mountain and is picked up by the locals. A month passes and the man returns to England.
While in recuperation , he visits the local Gentlemens' club. One of the members approach him and ask "I hear old chap that you have just returned from Africa after a dear hunt. We have all heard of your unfortunate experience, it must of been very painful?"
To which the man replies- "Of course it was! I never got a return phone call, no text messages, no email , no telegraph, no smoke signals, banging of drums, carrier pigeon messages, light house signals. I feel like I was used and abused by that damn bear. Really did hurt my feelings!"
What would a woman's name be if she wore two bras'?
Answer: At bottom of page
No matter how bad life might some times feel. Look at this photo every day to re-assure yourself that some times, other people will go through far more worst things than you! Puts a different perspective on life. Be grateful!
If you liked any of the above jokes etc please take a look at my other post for more laughs.
https://steemit.com/life/@skytronia/laughing-my-f-king-ass-off-big-time-2
Images sourced from pixabay, free clipart and free clipart library.
Mr Bean :sourceRunning man :source
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