Time: 8:58pm, 08/02/2020
It's not everyday an event happens that changes your life forever.
As I sit here by my lamp, adding this to my memoirs as my little angel turns one, it is all flooding back to me, all the thoughts and worries, centered on if I will make a great dad.
It was exactly one year ago, 08/02/2019, 5:30pm to be precise when my baby opened her eyes to the world.
But before that, it was crazy being in the theatre. For what it's worth, I almost ran out, save for that look I got from my wife!
Immediately I held her in my arms, all the feelings of inadequacy, amidst the joy started flooding in.
The fear of not being good enough a role model, not always being there when I would be needed and not being a good dad in general . Could I really do this?
Was I prepared to dote on someone, and run to her at every whim?
Would she feel secure, knowing daddy's got her back?
Then the congratulatory texts started coming in.
My single friends just didn't get it-about what it actually entailed to be a parent.
I could actually connect with only those that had had kids.
From their comments, you could tell they understood this new awesome struggle.
"Have you ever felt so much love for one person?"
"That feeling that you are having would only continue to grow"
"It only get's better...."
My more experienced professional colleagues in the baby factory industry would tell me.
After my initial struggles when I first held her, I think it got much better pretty soon.
On the other hand, my wife seemed moody and depressed most times....she would just sit there crying.
It scared the hell outta me. In time, I got to learn it's a thing that happens to a lot of women-Postpartum Disorder (PPD) they called it.
Here I was, trying to balance the joy of being a father, and doting on my wife, sharing her fears.
I think it takes mothers a little longer to get going and connect, unlike fathers....real fathers that is.
You get to learn and know so much, when you become a parent!
You know, knowing good-looking me created this bundle of joy that's gonna be a part of my life for the remainder of it got me over the moon....and scared too.
There is absolutely no way to explain the love I have for my daughter. Irrespective of the sleepless nights, walking around in the day time, like I am a zombie on the set of "The Walking Dead", it was and is still is, a love so deep, I never knew it existed.
I better run away, before my wife reads that last part!
It's the greatest feeeling ever!
So as you celebrate your first birthday on earth, I wish you the very best, Alexa.
Greater days are definitely ahead, and I'm sure I'll be back at my desk in 365 days, reflecting once more.
Abrazos y besos. <3
Music added: When you believe. Whitney Houston x Mariah Carey
The idea was to write from a point much farther in the future, looking back to an event in the past, which is still in the future, with regards to this present time.
Pictures used are actual pictures of my niece, Ruby.
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