In the thirteen years since I opened my Steam account, (Thanks, Half-Life 2) I've collected an enormous collection of games through various Steam sales, and bundles for sale through sites like Humble Bundle, Indie Gala, and Fanatical (formerly Bundle Stars).
The thing is, I haven't played almost any of them, but the most 'popular' titles, and I've got no idea what is good, and what is bad. Steam does have a system of user reviews; but I like to experience things for myself, without context, and to suspend judgement from what others have written.
Steem Stats sourced from Steemdb.info
So here we go, approaching my Steam Collection with alphabetical precision. I don't know what the frequency of these posts will be, but I can tell you that there may end up being a lot of them!
100% Orange Juice
Described as a digital, multi-player board game, with an all-star-cast, from the developer, Orange Juice's previous games. I don't know who the developers Orange Juice are, or what they were responsible for prior to the release of this title. Let's download it and see what it is like, shall we?
Greeted with a simple menu screen, I'm invited to name my save. I can't type the name in, so I choose "NotImpressed", which doesn't even fit into the name field at all. An excellent start. What follows is a board, with several foes walking around.
You roll dice, engage in combat through a primitive deck building game, and put up with midi-style music, and bright, colourful visuals that match the voice acting. There's probably a deep, strategic game below the surface, but the colours, voice acting, and mechanics are too esoteric and unexplained to make it worth devoting additional time to. Yet, I found myself playing on, out of pure fascination, the same way that a restrained child is placed before broadcasts of the Teletubbies.
How did I get this game?
I think it was part of a humble bundle, or bundle stars (now fanatical) promotion that I purchased ages ago.
Rating
2/10
99 Levels to Hell
A platformer and a rogue-like, combined. With guns, and a shooting cursor. I imagine this game is as simple as it sounds - 99 levels, and you'll get to hell. It is a hardcore, rogue-like game of endurance. After a while, you'll get a "get out now" warning, which means that invincible ghosts will come and try to kill you.
If you die, its over, you have to start from scratch. I've always hated platformers, but this is a nice take on the platform genre, with short, levels, interesting mechanics and the lack of frustrating deaths via missing jumps due to having no sense of timing.
It is a good title, in that it doesn't require any explanation, and is very much pick up and play, but it definitely won't be a classic unless you want to become obsessive and possessed by the game's universe, which is quite simple. Could be a good time waster. Think Castlevania, without the plot, and without the whips and chains.
How did I get this game?
Another one from Bundle Stars, I think. There's a whole lot of low quality filler in my library from when I purchased bundles that had one or two titles I wanted in them.
Rating
3/10
Absconding Zatwor
When doing research to find out some background about this title, I was at first confused. There appeared to be no store page left in Steam. The game, and the developer, appear to have been banned from the platform, presumably for low quality titles.
This is one you'll never get your hands on. The game opens like a PowerPoint presentation, which sets the scene. Man witnesses robbery. Man gets imprisoned. It is more of a commentary on the totalitarian regimes of the world in these opening moments than it is a video game.
You then proceed to a game that is best described as the Metal Gear Solid radar. Avoid the cameras, avoid detection via guards, and noise detectors, and rush through the map as fast as possible. There's even the Metal Gear Solid alert sound. It doesn't take a genius to realise this game is thoroughly awful.
How did I get this game?
Bundle Stars.
Rating
1/10