Forgiveness is a tricky thing really if you think about it. Because we are taught as children that we need to forgive others and communicate to them that we are hurt by their actions. But, what if you don't have to forgive if you don't choose to?
If it's not what you feel is right in your heart to do then why do it?
I think we all have this innate desire to have perfect relationships with others so we feel that we must choose to forgive someone that has wronged us and move on like it never happened even if we never forget how their actions made us feel.
Making a Conscious Decision
I made the conscious decision recently to not forgive a family member that had asked for my forgiveness after they had stolen money from me when I allowed them to stay in my house for a few months when they were homeless. It was not a lot of money and I don't really worry about money at all. But, it violated my trust and made me feel taken advantage of when I was trying to help.
The backstory is that this is not the first time that this person has grossly taken advantage of a situation but I had chosen to give them another chance (just one more).
Part of my spiritual journey has included choosing to consciously forgive people that have wronged me in the past and to make amends to anyone that I may have wronged, intentionally or otherwise. But, I realized recently that I may not want to continue this practice as much as I have in the past because it feels like it is draining me.
Doing What You Feel Is Right
After making my decision to not forgive, I had a conversation with a friend of mine that is also on a spiritual journey and she told me that I had made the wrong decision in choosing not to forgive.
As much as I love her and value her opinion, we are not all on the same journey and we all have to make our own choices and figure out our lives for ourselves.
Her thought was that I am going to block blessings from entering my life by holding a grudge against this person. But, here is my thought...
I am NOT holding a grudge. I am choosing to not forgive someone that has wronged me time and time again.
Don't get me wrong, I still love this person. They are my blood and helped to raise me.
I am choosing to not have a relationship with this person and just move on with my life without them being a part of it.
What I Hope To Gain
Honestly, what I hope to gain by not forgiving people as easily as I have in the past is a backbone. I have always believed that in order to spiritually grow I needed to forgive people and choose to love them even with their many faults.
But, what I have realized is that not everyone is deserving of my forgiveness or my love. I was spreading myself too thin by trying to love so many people and choosing to send them light. Ultimately, I felt like my light was diminishing from within by trying to be too positive.
Weird, right?
Maybe others on spiritual journeys will understand this and maybe they won't. Maybe my experience is unique or I am doing this wrong. But, for me, choosing to guard myself a little bit more and not be so outgoing or open with my affections for others has helped me to start healing mentally from experiences where I have been taken advantage of.
I am learning to prioritize myself and my own well-being a little bit more. This has actually allowed me to help more people in the long run than I could before, surprisingly. Because if I don't take care of myself at all like I was before then I am not as effective in my dealings with other people around me. I may get cranky or not fully listen to them in conversation because I am just too tired.
Empowerment and Strength
I have found an inner strength that I never knew that I possessed just by learning to say "no" in this instance. I am choosing who to have in my life and who not to. It is actually quite freeing.
Essentially, I am choosing to not forgive because I don't have to and I don't want to. Sometimes, people just aren't worth our forgiveness or our time.
We can love them from afar and choose not to have a relationship with someone that has hurt us.
As long as you don't dwell on the incident or harbor negative feelings toward that individual. Because carrying around resentment or hatred is just not good for you and this is what can cause blockages of blessings that my friend had been talking about.
Operating from a point of hatred or loathing is not healthy mentally or physically and may end up stealing your joy.
So, forgiving others should be entirely your choice and the choice should come from a place of spiritual alignment.
I would love to hear your thoughts on forgiveness and how you have acted when faced with a decision like this one.
Thanks for reading!
Ivy