So, about 14 weeks ago, I was sleepwalking. I happened to not be spatially aware of my surroundings, obviously, and I slammed my elbow full force into a solid quartzite countertop.
Cut to 14 weeks later, and this elbow has not healed one iota.
Why?
It's quite simple. Here's the problem--
I live in the United States, where if you get sick or injured for an extended period of time, you are screwed. I burned through all my savings just trying to heal naturally, since the doctors were of no help. However, this elbow will not heal due to the following vicious cycle--
Elbow hurts, and the pain keeps me from sleeping at night, or getting enough sleep.
Due to lack of sleep, the body's inflammatory response is always on, and there is no down time for the body to heal the elbow.
Due to the body not having the energy and rest to be able to heal, the elbow doesn't heal.
So then the elbow stays in constant, perpetual pain, bringing the pain back full circle, where it just endlessly repeats itself.
I was also denied disability benefits to get my elbow fixed. I am afraid I need surgery. I have lost almost all dexterity in my left arm. There are hardened pockets of inflammation that feel like tiny rocks in and around the elbow, pressing up against the tendons.
This elbow injury is on my dominant arm, and I cannot write to save my life. I write a sentence with a pencil or pen, and my arm swells up like a balloon.
14 weeks without working. This is driving me nuts. I am poor, I have $2 to my name and honestly, being a guy that isn't afraid of death any more, this pain just feels like the end, and that it may be permanently messed up, and require surgery.
Surgery that I would have access to in literally any other industrialized country in the world, except the U.S.
This is why people are using gofundme to help pay medical expenses.
This should not be the case. Yet, it is.
Can anyone help me out? Probably not. I'd be surprised if anyone even reads this once.
In real life, I have no friends, no support system, so why the hell would I expect any help on the internet? I am politely asking for some kindness, some grace, some help. I feel like I have no dignity, because I cannot work. That in and of itself, is very frustrating, because I want to build capital to fund my hobbies and interests, such as animation, voice acting, being a streamer for entertainment of others, and various other artistic expressions
I also wish to go to the wedding of the only friend I do have, really, this coming october. My ex-boss. Yeah, that's right. He's my best friend, and he was my boss. Oh, and he's 25, and I'm 28. Whaaaaat? Yes. Hard to believe.
It is really difficult to continue going on. I am a burden on others and if I had the money to get my arm fixed, I would.
But, right now, I kind of feel like dressing in all black, and jumping out in front of a giant car in the middle of the night. or lay down right next to a speedbump.
Or go into the forests in the freezing cold with a ton of Nyquil so I pass out and die in my sleep of hypothermia.
Not being able to work has put me on the verge of suicide, and I don't like it. Clearly, can those with some kindness in their hearts just give $1? Seriously, if that's all you can give, it would help me pay for some surgery I am going to need.
If I am ever able to write again with this arm, I am going to need surgery.
I don't like the idea as much as anyone else, but it's my only option.