I sit about half a year on this site, I've read a lot of things, so I decided to write my own story. I will not pout and lament that "all soooo is difficult in a relationship." I just do not need a preconceived advice from people absolutely strangers. Such people can soberly assess the situation.
My story begins with the school bench. Now I'm 20, my boyfriend 21. We are classmates in the past. When I moved to another school in 6th grade, we immediately became friends. By the way, I then went to music school, my mother taught me, she loved me very much - the best student, an exemplary girl, etc. It was she who advised me to go to another school in the classroom to her son.
We were friends, he fell in love with me, I also liked him. Our relationship resembled a game: he confesses to me, I refuse, I start other relationships, then I leave everything, I confess to him, he refuses. And this whole catastrophe lasted to the end of the school.
After school we entered different lyceums, communication was reduced to correspondence in the agent, but even during correspondence on the soul, it was always so warm ... As it turned out later, he also had it. Two years we hardly saw each other, a couple of times only. In the third year of the lyceum, he began to call me to go out with friends (they are common, also classmates, still best and only friends). And then, a couple of months later, he wrote to me that he loved me and loved all this time, and offered to meet. I thought and thought, and agreed.
Now a little about him. When he offered to meet, he was at his father's place at the time. Father and elder brother were imprisoned. They are innocent, the story is long, in short - they were simply framed. They lived poorly, but now they spend almost all their money on transferring to prison, the situation is sad. The average brother and his mother say that they love him, but they spend money only on transfers and solely on themselves. He sometimes does not even eat, because there is nothing. They do not leave him stupid, do not give money, he walks everywhere on foot.
When we started dating, he knew what I was. I do not ask for money, gifts, festivities for restaurants, but God, why do I need this? When he earns himself, then it's okay, but for now I do not need all this absolutely. We met, everything was fine, I gave gifts to him, I saved, did not eat, put off money that my parents gave me, I was pleased when I gave him something, and he was happy.
Three months after the start of the relationship, we slept together. I was a virgin. He did not persuade me, said: how much you want, I'll wait so much, it's not important to me, the main thing I'm with you. Yes, and I felt that he was the one with whom I would do it. Since then, our sex life began, we learned a lot gradually. Until I had a delay ... I, by the way, have health problems, and a delay is possible, but I was frightened. I ran to the doctors, I panicked. He, too. And he said that we have nothing, and if I were you I would have had a pill (suggested a medical abortion). But said, if you decide to leave, I will not say a word against it and will help. At me all as if has lowered inward after such words. The benefit of menstruation began in a couple of days, but his words were stuck in my head. Yes, he is right, on the one hand was, but the way he said it is indifferent, cold, as if I'm someone else's.
Then everything was fine with us. But a new problem has come: parents have forbidden to meet. My mother is because he is a Muslim. I have a whole family against him. He is not a believer, no manners (I would have noticed them) - an ordinary guy. It is not his fault that he was born a Persian. His mother is against me because of my mother. Because his mother understands that my family is against it. And we love each other. For the first time in my life, he and I have learned what love is, really love.
After long quarrels with my parents, of course, I, the fool, came up with the idea of pills to get drunk. I got drunk, said goodbye to my friend and lay down in the room. A friend phoned him, he ran out of the house, called, stood under the windows and begged to spit it out. All has managed. Then there was his 20 anniversary and I gave him the dream of his life - an electric guitar. Crawled into debt and gave. He was happy, because his family would regret a piece of bread, but for me debts were a trifle compared to the thought that my beloved would be unhappy on his birthday.
For two years (at the moment two years, as we meet), he said beautiful words that he would come out of this shit, that he would find a job, go to school, everything would change. And it will change. Yes, changed, but in the other direction. I stopped for him to be his little girl, he became more rude, stopped appreciating me, everything became somehow ordinary. He never began to look for work, he did not enter the institute, he just sat stunted and did nothing. And I waited, I supported him, I looked for a vacancy with him, called, found out. He did not go to the interview under stupid pretexts and stayed at home, played games, watched television, did not prepare for the institute - nothing was needed for a man. In the end, nothing has changed, a person is just too lazy to change his life. But I still hear "I'll change, I promise, I'll find a job, I'm trying." But I do not see anything.
We began to swear more often about this. He helped me get the camera and said that he would pay for it. I knew that in the end everything would turn into words. And it happened. At the waiter's work, something did not suit him (I found a job for him) and he left at the first opportunity. And I was left with a large sum of money to the one from whom we took the camera. He said he would find money, but no. He waited for the appointed date and said that there was no money. He did not fulfill a single promise to me. Nothing. I wanted to feel close to a strong man, purposeful, to feel like a stone wall, to feel a man, but this is not.
In one day they quarreled with him seriously about all this, he said: do not like, you can not meet, I will not change. I cried for a long time. It was so bad for me that all my efforts were in vain. I paid him admission to the institute this year. I borrowed money from friends and paid, to those who allow me to carry the phone, to whom he will call to be helped. She gave me the phone, and he seemed to be waiting for all this. Until the last finger on the finger did not hit. The day before the exam, I arranged all this for him. Because I could not leave him, I love him. In response, he took everything for granted and continued to do nothing.
And I did what I regret. I changed. With an absolutely unfamiliar adult male for me, it was terrible. I did it to distract myself, to feel myself with a man - strong, adult, which I always wanted. Now I regret this horrible, the fool was. But I can not do this anymore. I did not even get a flower in 2 years, but I'm a girl, I would have liked even a daisy, just go to the park, sit in nature. Nothing of the kind happened. And I still like it. Love him. Last time I gave him a chance, that everything will change. Last.
Now I'm 20, I'm in a relationship and I can even say I'm engaged to him (in words we decided amongst ourselves), but I feel lonely, useless, unprotected. Without a future, I'm in debt in my debt, I feel like a whore that I've betrayed him, and I still believe a little bit in the promise that everything will change and it will be good.
Is it worth it?
Lovely ladies, dear men, if faced with a similar, tell me what to do next? Should I believe him? Is it worth further to try to pull it out of this state? Is it worth to continue the relationship?