The word reflection directly triggered a song in my head, as words often do. For me thinking in songs is kinda BAU. But it triggered this bit of lyrics in particular.
I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone
For much too long
Oh, I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong
I am indeed only pieces of the boy I used to be and reflecting on the life I led and I know where I went wrong...
Still, I would not be the man I am today if I did not take that way.
Did I make those choices?
It took me many years to see who leading who?
Is it the deaf leading the blind?
The teacher leading the student?
The rich, manipulating the poor?
Am I led by greed, by hunger, by desire or do I hold actual ownership regarding the choices I made?
Looking back some were planned....
I planned to become a DJ, which had a huge impact on my life.
I planned to leave my Native country.
I planned to become a father and was lucky enough to see that happen.
But other things were borne from lust, like my marriage.
From manipulation, like me not having contact with my mother for several years.
From necessity, as I took a job to support my family but not the job I planned on.
All those things made me the man I am today. A man that has wept many bitter tears, that´s far away from home, and decided at one point he could do it all alone but did not want that anymore.
I grew up, a bit at least. I untangled my state of mind at least a little and although it took me decades I finally have an idea of who I am, who I want to be, and where I am headed.
Bottom Line
Meditation, tranquility, and self-reflection helped me a lot to see the good, the bad, and the ugly me. But I never expected that it would be so hard to catch a glimpse of one's actual self.
Thanks to Just One THing community #justonething for prompting me to write this.
