I'll like to term this NSAphobia, has a nice ring to it, don't it?
Especially now that monogamy and commitment is waning, this is a fear I've come to talk about a lot in my discussions with folks about open relationships and no strings attached (NSA) relationships.
The fear of a lot of people is that if you do the NSA thing you could fall in love with the person you're doing it with and it is going to be very painful to be so in love with someone when you're not in a committed relationship with them.
I perfectly understand this fear, but I think if this thing that they fear happens it is not so bad. Because if you fall in love with a person,what would you want to do with them? Isn't it hanging with them, going out, doing things together, and getting intimate with them?
It sure is, isn't it? And that's exactly what you guys would be doing in the NSA relationship, isn't it? If I can get to do even half of that with someone I love I'd be one of the happiest men in the world. It's not like you would fall in love with them and you can't get to experience them or do the things you love to do with your lover, so what is the fear for?
A little presumptuous, but remember I said I understand the fear. It comes from reasons like the following:
• The Possibility that the other lover wouldn't view you as a lover of the same intensity and seriousness that you view them with
• The fact that the lover might have other side pieces which would hurt you to see because you guys are not in a committed relationship after all.
• The possibility that what you guys have can end at anytime because it is not a serious traditional commitment
For the first point, I wonder if it could be that bad when you guys are still getting to do all the fun things. Also as long as you don't change the structure of the relationship you can change some of the things y'all do so that it can feel more intimate for y'all. Kissing more, for example, is one. You can also make your partner do things that would make you feel more loved.
For the second point, I think simply telling the lover you don't want to hear about their side pieces or see evidence of them is a good way to protect yourself if you fall in love with them.
For the third point, even committed relationships can end at anytime, including marriages. In fact the freedom from the pressure of monogamy might make the relationship last really long.
Conclusion
I know I sound like I'm in support of open relationships and NSA things, I sure am, and I think it is important to talk about this fear and things that might make people have NSAphobia, because it is the future of relationships. Monogamy is dying a rather fast death and we need to be prepared for what is coming.
The End
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