I don't know if this is just a coincidence, a sign, or just whatever, but three of my ex's contacted me again, two of them were in the same month, while the other was last month. There's really no meaning to why they decided to contact me again. I know that much, but it's weird that they really contacted me in the same month, and there's three of them. It's like they talk to me after one another, do you find it weird too? It's just maybe a coincidence, but I don't know, I really find it unnatural, lol.
But, thanks to them contacting me, I just proved that I really feel nothing for them anymore. You know, I might still have those lingering feelings for them or whatever, (≧▽≦). It is just an admiration that easily faded away because of my loneliness back then. I still remember how I spent most of my time texting or chatting with them, exchanging sweet messages.
I am thankful to those people, though, because of them, I felt important and loved. I survived those sad moments in my life because of their assurance of love for me. Although it didn't last long, during those days, I was really thankful that I had them.
Especially with my last relationship. I was in college back then, the time where I needed all the moral support that I could have. He become my light on those darkest moments. It's saddened me that it ended ugly, and I can still say that I was the happiest during my time with him. And it really saddened me now that he become a different person, I just hope that he is only like this to me and not to others. How I wish he stay as the pure and kind soul that he is before.
Story time, I can say that I made the right choice to end things with him. It's kind of selfish, maybe, to end our relationship, but, really, I don't feel anything toward him at that time anymore. I know he is too, maybe he is just holding to our good memories together but I know that he knows. Because we both become toxic that swearing to each other become a normal thing between us.
And, aside from both feelings already changed, in my head, I only want to focus on growing more, alone. And I saw our already broken relationship an opportunity to get out on that mess. I feel like if I continue our relationship, it will just become more and more toxic, so I decided to just end it rather than make it worse. Our "us" become just a memory and turns into history.
We can look back but it can't be fix anymore, I mean, there's really nothing to fix. Those fairy tale like feelings when we still both like each other was gone. Yes, there comes a time that is it once a beautiful relationship but, some things has to end.
Although I lied to him just for him to agree to break up with me, I promised to have s*x with him if he let me go. It took a lot of time to convince him, but he agreed in the end because I knew that he already knew that I didn't have any feelings for him anymore. Maybe it is also wrong for me to promise things that I don't have a plan to do, but I only did it because he won't let me go if I don't promise to do "it" with him.
Then he contacted me again last month. He just asked about his old Facebook account, asking if he could still recover it because it was suspended for some reason. He could appeal, for it to recovered but the time already lapse so I don't know, I didn't really put much attention to it. I am really too lazy to answer him that time, so I told him, "Why do you have to recover it if you already have this new account?" It's the one he used when he chatted with me.
Even after answering all his questions, he still continued chatting with me, but I didn't reply and just ignored it. Then he started calling and chatting, just writing my name. It's a good thing I don't have a Messenger app and only use Facebook Lite. So even if he calls, he can't disturb me by calling and notifying me. Then he asked another question about where to download music.
Maybe he realized that I only answer when he asks me something. So I replied, and then later on, he just suddenly chatted me with, "Ruffa, let's have s_x." And I was like, "WTAF!" Well, that's just in my head, I actually didn't respond and proceeded to block him.
I mean, really right, I am being friendly with him and being so kind to answer some of his questions, only to mention that again. I guess the real reason he contacted me was because of that. I know that I promised that to him, but, "Come on, really, is it really just s_x that you want? Will you really stoop so low, mentioning that again just so I will do it with you?" I really want to say this to him, but stop myself, I just don't want unnecessary confrontation.
He is just being a d_ck, maybe because he can't get a woman who's willing to do that with him. I am blaming myself for why he became like that though, because of those nonstop teasing sessions with him before. I admit it that I'm partly at fault here, but come on, he is old already. I think he is 30 now. Not sure, maybe older. He should act like an adult and not like a hungry man who's looking for s_x. Or if he really wants, he can just shove his thing against the wall and have s_x with it.
I just hope he finds the one for him already so that he won't be that s_x starved anymore. I feel like the good memories we had together are now covered with sh_t because of those things he said to me in his last chat. I want the good image he has to remain in my head because, really, he is not that kind of person when I first met him. He is so pure and so kind, but because I keep on teasing him, argh, it is me who influenced him to become like that.
I really hope that the next partner that he will have, he will choose to become a cool person again, just like he was when I first met him.
