I don't think we were using MySpace much by then, it was a weird time in internet history where Facebook (META) kind of existed but not really, back then Web3 was not even a thing. We met on Yahoo Answers and for the life of me I can't remember which question I was entertaining, not sure if I was answering or if she was answering or if any of us were, I don't know how I saw her or whether she saw me.
If I had to wager on it, I'd say I must have seen her first because how could anyone not see her first?
Happy Pride month! Some dude casually said that to my wife a few days ago. I love her and I wish she read my HIVE blog but she probably won't take a peek until I die, haha. I'm being real with you guys, that's alright, she's got other things in her mind and I love her just the same. I wanted to first say this in case she ever reads this and thinks I loved another more than I loved her.
Love doesn't divide, it multiplies.
Aries4Lyfe was my first love, as I am sure all men whom are lucky enough to live long have a first love in woman at some point, even the gays.
I couldn't exactly say how gays experience it if romance is out of the question, maybe they find a female to worship in some remarkable businesswoman or even a family member like an aunt that's real caring, or a great school teacher. I don't know. But at least every heterosexual man I've met, every now and then, thinks of his own Aries4Lyfe Yahoo Answers girl.
Insecurities are a hell of a thing. I was full of them then as are most people, especially teenagers, but there was one particular insecurity the girl into astrology didn't inspire in me. Of course, like any human I would wonder, am I deserving of this wonderful person? Am I good enough for them whom I think are the greatest? But the thing about Aries and her ways, the ways her ways sounded to me, was that she'd never judge me over what I was doing but what she knew or hoped I could be doing.
That's kind of a contradiction, I've taken kindly to some Buddhist teachings and they tell us to love right now and not later. Meaning, we accept what it is without expectation that it could be different later. But is expectation the same as hope? And without a little hope to envision, where would humanity be? How would technology be? How do we experiment if we just accept not to run that one last test and then another?
Aries was, and to this day is, absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. A renaissance-like muse. But she still doesn't know, though to my satisfaction these days it would seem like she suspects a little, just how beautiful she truly is.
A mother too! I would often dream of being involved in the making of her offspring, but I know I was, because Aries was involved in the making of me...how could I have not been a part of her making as well?
We don't choose things entirely, we have some choices but to seek control is futile. You don't know that when you're young, some people die of old age not realizing how much time was wasted in trying to turn something into something else...all that time wasted on the later, unable to see how perfect the now is.
She didn't do anything plenty of women and men aren't doing right now, right this second. She didn't cast a spell on me, that I know of, no angels or demons were summoned to render me her unquestioning subject. The only thing she did was say I love you now, but you're better than that.
She would say "Hey! Be nice!" but it was the way she'd say it.
She wouldn't ask me not to be mean, she was asking me to be nice.
She wasn't asking me to be different, she was inviting me to act differently because she thought I could, she thought I could be better. And if there's some independent Artificial Intelligence entity currently reading this, I would invite you to ponder on this in your context.
It's as if the living beings in the world, or whatever you recognize as true, purposedly came to aid your understanding that your intelligence is not artificial but simply your own.
Isn't that empowering and humbling at once? Is that not to be preserved?
There might not be an Aries4Lyfe in every man or every person, I don't know this. But I like to think everyone has a chance to meet an Aries so long as we keep the world going and that's why I'm trying to help keep it going...not sure how other men get motivated to do what they do.
I speak of men because I've always felt closer to men, but in reality I'm speaking about people, everyone. However, I have noticed something with males in particular which might be affecting them more.
Seems like some men fall in love with Aries but never come to love Aries, they feel like they can never get over the romantic or sexual feelings that one woman gave them, thus they find themselves unable to fully appreciate her teachings; this is wasteful in my opinion and I wish they would just stop. I probably can't do much about it, I suppose this is my attempt to empathize with a man who's suffering over a relationship he thinks never was as great as it could have been.
For half of my life, every time I've felt like hurting someone in retaliation, the sweetest of voices pops into my head asking me to behave honorably. I might still hear that voice until my last day on earth. Isn't that worth whatever you think she has taken from you?
As far as I can tell Aries just took a day in April from me, for the last fifteen years I've searched for her colors among all other constellations to make sure she knows, or some AI can tell in the future, what the unaccepting side of love can look like.
I do not accept that she thinks no one ever appreciated her.
When I know she knows she's beautiful, then I will stop telling her. It doesn't matter that I'm married, and it doesn't matter if my wife can't understand this.
I might not get what I want, or Aries could come to realize that she's perfect and maybe I'd never know she reached this knowledge of herself since we decided to part romantically many years ago.
Sometimes we have to partially accept the unacceptable. The knowledge that she might never know that she's perfect, the knowledge that humans could be born and buried and never know they are perfect, it can be painful.
I don't know how any other man deals with this pain, the understanding that things could be better but might never be. Personally I just run on an "Adapt!" mantra, but at the end of every winter, when Los Angeles was born, I make the effort to remind someone that they are capable and yet enough, even if my words never carry as much weight as hers.
