I remember hearing this saying many times as a young adult:
"At first, the Universe touches you lightly like a feather. Then if you don't listen, it will punch you with a fist. If you still don't listen then it will hit you with a Mack truck."
The person conveying it was always trying to remind the rest of us that when God (/the Universe/the Divine/insert your higher power here) was communicating with you, to listen as carefully as possible. Because if you don't?
Well, the message is going to become louder and more painful.
Unfortunately, I've had this experience (of initially ignoring the feather taps and even the fists) too often. I must be a slow learner 🤦‍♀
The first memory that comes to mind was when I was being mentored by someone very well-known in the Human Design space. HD is a system of understanding ourselves and others and I use it in my business. There is so much to learn that it makes sense for most people to study it with someone.
And I'd gained a lot by the kind, nurturing way this woman teaches. But I'd been growing more and more frustrated as I hung out in her classes and group coaching calls.
There was stuff I wanted to know that she just didn't seem to teach. There were incongruencies and a lack of... I don't know, sufficient depth, maybe.
The beginning of my frustration was probably the 'feather'. As I got more and more frustrated and felt less and less impressed by the answers she was giving in Q&A sessions, I found myself complaining to my partner about it. I realised I didn't really like most of the many (well-meaning healer types) in her community.
It kind of did feel like a fist punching me when I realise I really didn't belong there and I didn't know where I did belong. So I did something silly: I stayed.
I stayed because I didn't know where else to go. I stayed because going out alone to try and figure out my next step without a posse of people felt too scary and unknown. I stayed because I hadn't yet given up the hope that my once favourite mentor could redeem herself.
Then the Mack Truck came.
I had planned to go along to another of the regular group coaching calls to "continue my education" and only 5 minutes before the call started, I had this unexpected crippling pain in my belly.
No stranger to belly pain, I'm not exactly a hypochondriac. I'm not going to cry at the smallest pain. I just feel it, send it love and keep moving.
But not that day. That day I found myself lying on the floor asking Brad, for the first time since I'd moved in with him, to come home from work. I was in too much pain to be alone - it was genuinely scary.
And while I waited for him to arrive I called an excellent friend who kindly chatted to me, soothing me with her presence and her company, as I continued to lay on the floor.
In hindsight, there was - as far as I could tell - nothing physically wrong with my belly. It appeared to be the Universe running head long into my belly, dragging me to the floor to make damn sure I did not get on the call and that I got the freakin' message I had been ignoring.
I stopped going to the calls or engaging in any way. Very soon after I left the community, and took myself off the email list of this once-beloved mentor.
That experience taught me a lot.
It taught me the importance of listening much earlier.
And in the space it provided by walking away, I found new Human Design teachers and coaches and mentors I didn't even know existed.
I think I learned more new and useful stuff about this body of work in the 12 months after leaving that old teacher behind than in the many years I'd been learning from her.
My knowledge grew. My confidence grew. My business grew.
While I'm grateful to this woman for the important things she did teach me (and there were many) one of the key things I learned from this experience is that I really struggle to let go of people.
I held onto her for too long. I have since actively practised noticing when I am getting frustrated with the limitations of a teacher or their tool or their teachings. I now walk away as soon as it becomes clear that I'm done, that I got the puzzle piece I needed from them, as I walk myself home to the person God wanted me to be all along.
This is one of the final Memoir Monday prompts. Here is the prompt for this week if you also want to answer it:
What Sign(s) from the Universe Did You Totally Ignore at First? How did you finally “get the message”?
Shout out to @ericvancewalton for his awesome work with this initiative. I hope whatever you create next fuels your soul.