Ever find yourself in one of those situations where you thought you were having a friendly discussion with someone, but as time goes along it seems like the person you are talking to is just becoming more and more contentious?
Doesn't Matter WHAT We're Talking About...
Then you suddenly realize that you are no longer involved in having an actual discussion, you are involved in a battle... and the truth of the matter is that the person you are engaging with is actually more interested in "having a battle" than in arriving at an outcome, or a compromise, or even an impasse.
Whenever I find myself in such a situation, I am pretty much ready to find the nearest exit and leave the situation.
Maybe my preferences are somewhat colored by having watched my own father when I was quite young... he seemed to really thrive on the process of "locking horns" with others, perhaps moreso even than actually winning or losing the debate,
The Acorn That Fell FAR From the Tree
In many ways, I have turned out to be his exact opposite, having never felt any inclination to emulate his behavior... in a great many ways.
I am ultimately a peacenik and more of a "bridge builder," always trying to connect with people across whatever commonalities we may have, rather than taking an approach of more confrontation and conflict.
I'm by no means trying to claim that my approach is necessarily better, just that it is better for me.
And that seemed to be one of the ways in which I differed the most from my dad... he tended to defend his opinions like they were (obvious) universal FACTS, not just his opinion.
Conflict Avoidance...
Along the way, a number of people have described me as "conflict avoidant."
It's an interesting term, and I repeatedly find myself slightly baffled by the way people use it to describe something negative. Conflict avoidance is bad.
Going back to "having a battle" in place of discussing and seeking resolution, let's flip that coin and instead ask "what is the rationale behind viewing conflict as a POSITIVE thing?"
Most of the time, when I have poked around in that topic, the underlying reasons that eventually bubble to the surface sound rather sociopathic.
To say "it's more important to have BIG BALLS than a RIGHT OUTCOME" might be a bit of an exaggeration, but sometimes it feels like that!
The Human Ego is a Slippery Beast!
I'm not really claiming to have "the answer" here, but I can't help but think that this rather ambiguous thing called "exceptionalism" is to blame for some of those attitudes.
Let's face it, the effort to be "exceptional" and "outstanding" in the world, in your life, at your work is pretty much a ruthless contest," so people are more or less trained into a system in which everything is more like a battle than an actual interaction.
And then you add the human ego trying to "defend" this image a person has of themselves as "a winner," and you end up with some potentially toxic soup!
I'd rather just have a peaceful exchange of ideas...
Thanks for reading, and have a great remainder of your week!
How about you? Does the sort of personality I described here sound familiar? How do you deal with such a person, when you encounter them? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20220809 01:10 PDT
0625/1871