I'm going to make a couple sweeping assumptions, before before getting into the meat of this post.
First assumption: I'm going to assume that — as a species — we humans are most inclined to be drawn to, and engage in, things/activities that "feel good." Or make us feel good.
I find it difficult to wrap myself around the idea of someone consciously thinking "Oh, this is going to make me feel really BAD or IN PAIN, so let me rush out and do it!" as their modus operandum for life. It just doesn't make sense... sure, it may be the "reality" of someone who's prone to making poor choices OR, with a psychological disturbance, but I just can't parse it as normal "healthy behavior."
Second assumption: Regardless of what popular culture and ostensible woke-ness might insist on, we are not "all the same," even at our core. What constitutes a "Healthy, Well-adjusted Life" is not a generic concept you can apply with a broad brush — it will vary considerably from person to person, dependent on a whole load of different factors from inherent temperament to socialization to environment.
That said...
WHO Decides...?
For many years, I have been contemplating a core unaddressed issue within the self-development field... centering on exactly "WHO decides" what an ostensibly healthy well-adjusted life looks like?
After several decades of rather rigorous self-inquiry — and reading 100's of books on personality, psychology and self-improvement — I have reached the conclusion that two of the single most important words in this whole "self-awareness" ball of wax are:
".... to ME."
When I was deeply involved in the Enneagram typology system, we read a lot of my type ("Type Nine") and their desire for peace and harmony. I'll be the first to admit that most of my choices in life have been largely informed by desiring a peaceful outcome; to maintain a state of inner (and outer/environmental) peace.
Being at peace feels good.. "... to ME."
Being in a state of turmoil where it seems like everything is chaos and I live with a constant sense that I am falling off a cliff into an ocean of disruption and chaos... does not feel good... "... to ME."
I'm totally aware that it may feel like a perfect way to live, to YOU (figuratively speaking)... you, who crave constant novelty, excitement and change, and who gets bored if you have sat still for more than three minutes straight. And I honor that.
Where I start to get annoyed is when I somehow get labeled as "psychologically unhealthy" and "in a complex" because my choices don't look like yours.
In Western society — and especially here in the USA — we tend to idolize the "Adventurer Daredevil" personality traits, while dismissing those who prefer to peacefully go with the flow and primarily observe as "colorless doormats" at least and "creepy loners in denial" at worst.
I'm sorry, but I just don't buy that kind of blanket labeling!
To me, part of living aforesaid "Healthy, Well-Adjusted Life" includes the capacity to not only examine your reality, but also to understand and embrace, the difference between simple "preferences" and potentially unhealthy "complexes and psychoses."*
We must honor the "Peacekeepers" in life just as much as we honor the "Adventurer/Daredevils."
Part of my "issue" with both the self-help industries and the mental health field in a broader sense — something I have written about many times, and at length — is the unfortunate tendency to place a huge emphasis on our fixations, complexes and psychological disturbances; our defects; the ways in which we are "broken."
Sometimes it feels like almost everything can somehow be "medicalized," even when it actually is just part of the normal spectrum of human experience!
Very little time is given to examination and description of the healthy manifestations well-balanced lives across a wide range of preferences.
And that feels wrong... "... to ME!"
I remember watching a TED Talk with Dr. Martin Seligman — regarded by many as the father of the modern Positive Psychology movement — in which he pointed out that the field of psychology has done an excellent job at helping people be "not depressed," but has failed miserably at teaching anyone how to be happy.
Can't help but think there's a connection between that assertion and the way we're always looking to label everything outside a very narrow set of boundaries "a syndrome!"
Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful Friday!
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Created at 2023-04-13 23:56 PST
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