Some of the worst moments of my life occur - and have occurred - when my mind suddenly draws a blank, often in the middle of trying to do something important or significant.
There I am, and suddenly... nothing.
You might be tempted to think I'm just getting old and forgetful, but it has actually been something I can remember happening, all the way back to grade school.
Everything is going fine until I suddenly find there is a gaping hole, not just in my memory, but my entire mind where I expect to find "something." Like a moment of temporary amnesia. Which can be massively inconvenient, when I'm suddenly standing with a basket of groceries at the supermarket and have no idea what my debit card PIN is. Or worse...
It's like being on your computer, working on something important, going away for a couple of minutes and coming back to "file does not exist."
When I was a young adult, people always blamed my tendency to be "scatterbrained."
Sometimes, this "thing" cost me while I was at University, because I'd find myself taking an exam and I would "go blank" on a particular topic, or for some period of time.
Yes, I have talked to doctors and mental health professionals about this particular predicament, and it has generally not been very helpful, except to establish that I definitely do suffer from some kind of sporadic and unpredictable anxiety disorder.
Well... who didn't know that?
What I find frustrating about it is that sometimes my creative writing is affected... shedding some light on the fact that this is not really tied to tense/anxious stimuli, as my writing is almost exclusively done for the sake of enjoyment.
I'm not sure why I am bringing this up right now, except perhaps just to "mark" that I had another "episode" today, while running errands... and I ended up sitting in the car outside the Post Office for about five minutes, trying to remember where I needed to go next.
After all, these are our personal blogs/journals, so it might be useful to have this marker here to look back at, from somewhere down the road.
Thanks for stopping by... we shall resume our regular programming tomorrow!
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Created at 2024.10.30 01:08 PDT
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