I knew it had to be done sometime, but I was not ready.
The past eighteen months have been a slippery slope, one step at a time, sometimes steady, at other times tentatively, unsure of the next step, and just when I think I've reached the top, I falter and slide all the way down.
Mixed feelings, yes, but a decision had to be made sooner or later.
The responsibility of a large property is starting to weigh me down.
I will miss our green valley, every nook and cranny of our home, and our beautiful lush garden.
Best to make a move while I'm still capable of tackling the enormous task of sorting through fifty years of toil - in the office, and at home. It would be heartwrenching not to be the one who decides which part of our lives ends up in recycling.
I kept the meticulously filed projects that were close to hubby's heart.
Books were sorted, and the ones I'm discarding fitted into six large boxes which will be donated to a charity.
I kept those close to my heart in smaller bookcases.
Looking back over the years, would I do things differently if I could rewind the clock?
Some yes, but most not.
I for sure would have been more aware of how precious and fleeting each moment is, and treasure them!
Life is for living - the highs, the lows. Ecstasy and agony, as well as the mundane! Have I appreciated the latter? Not as much as I should have!
All this living was done with someone at my side, and now it's only me, which sucks! Yes, I'm blessed with wonderful special people in my life, but it simply is not the same. My soulmate is gone.
Everything in our home speaks of him. Am I crazy to leave it all behind?
Some may say yes, why say goodbye to all that's familiar, the garden, the green valley, and our lovely home?
What once was just a three-bedroom house sitting on a sandy hill, has been developed into a larger home and a garden cottage plus a beautifully landscaped garden.
Hubby with his engineering background made sure everything stood on strong foundations, with more than sufficient reinforcement and drainage. He was a deep thinker and made brilliant use of space, adding innovative little touches.
The large hidden balcony that sits between the cottage living room and bedrooms is a wonderful surprise for our BnB guests. The studio unit boasts a beautiful face-brick arch that forms an alcove for the bed and gets many oohs and aahs from guests.
Our property sits at the beginning of a huge green valley, a truly unique setting in a city suburb. The stream deep down in the valley makes it impossible for new property developments that are popping up everywhere, stripping the land of vegetation, and felling giant old trees. Enormous bamboos stand proudly along the banks of our stream.
Those who know me, understand that the time has come for me to leave this treasured place. A little piece of my heart will stay behind, but there's enough left to start a brand new adventure.
Moving to a smaller home means I have to minimize big time. The worldly goods collected over the past fifty years weighs me down but will soon be down to that which is relevant to the here and now.
Although it's been difficult deciding what paperwork and books to keep, I already am starting to feel 'lighter.'
Material goods mean nothing after all. The memories will stay forever etched in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul, and will follow me no matter where I go!
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Artwork by @artywink
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Artwork by @artywink