What is your biggest weakness?
If there is one thing I am sure of, it is that many people find it very difficult to talk about themselves. Looking at ourselves in the “mirror” and being honest in front of it can be a revealing and even terrifying exercise if we find truths that we had hidden.
As I write, I think about how many weaknesses I have: I am so human, so flesh and bones, I who once understood that I gain more by feeling than by putting on my armor. So I will try to talk about three of the many negative aspects I have, without any self-deception.
My biggest weakness is a lack of self-confidence. I feel like sometimes I don't know how much talent or potential I have. I find it hard to believe that I can do anything. I doubt my own abilities and merits, my virtues, gifts. I minimize them. Other people see in me, things that I do not see and that may make me settle for little, that I do not value and exploit my full potential, I may even fall badly because they think it is a false modesty.
I know you can do this,” the others tell me so confidently, and I differ. Then I hesitate, I apologize, I even downplay what I do:
_That's easy, someone else can do it. What I did is of no importance. Then, when I do this, the people around me, my loved ones, get upset and tell me:
_But why do you have to devalue what you do. And to be honest I don't know why I do it, I imagine it has to do with an unresolved trauma.
Another of my weaknesses is to be frank and genuine, without half-measures, without artifice I don't know how to love and feel half-heartedly. If I don't like someone, I don't even say hello; if someone does something wrong, I say so; if I feel bad, I say so; if I don't want to be in a place, I leave. I am a very undiplomatic person in that sense. This aspect has become more pronounced over the years and I've reached a point in life where I don't mind having a lot of friends and people liking me: I prefer to have two or three friends, but trusted ones. I am not interested in being what I am not.
The third is my blindness. Since I was very young I have been nearsighted (in one eye I have 12 myopia and in the other 20), so I have had to get used to live with this weakness that does not let me see, literally, the world with all its colors, shades and shapes. While it is true that this visual defect has made me develop my other senses such as smell and hearing, it has also been a very bitter limitation when it comes to appreciating what surrounds me. The closer things are to me, I can see them; the farther away they are, they don't exist for me or I see them blurred. I have passed loved ones by and do not recognize them. I go through life stumbling over things, falling down, like Mister Magoo. Hahaha. To people I meet for the first time and like, I confess my visual problem. So if we ever bump into each other on a street in the world, dear reader, and I don't recognize you, don't think I'm unfriendly, what I am is blind.
To conclude, I feel that I have many weaknesses, even finishing this post, I realize that I could have talked about how there are people who can be my “weakness”, in the sense that they are above myself and that overthinking things, can be another flaw, one so wearing because rarely there are no noises in my head. But let's just say those first three, so as not to tire you out and make this post too long. The important thing is that each weakness is already recognized, weighed and labeled. As I say: every demon has its name. It is only enough to kill them, drive them away, treat them, disappear it and that takes time. So all I ask, as my Latin teacher used to say: Patientia.
The images are from my personal gallery and the text was translated with Deepl
This is my participation this week for our great friend @ericvancewalton's initiative: Memoir monday. If you want to participate, here's the link to the invitation post