Sunday May 21st, 2023
Once again, we have "morning thoughts" in the evening because... this is the first moment I have had to sit down since starting this train of thought... this morning.
Onwards!
So, while waiting for the coffee to finish brewing, I realized that we're trying to save up money for an awful lot of different things... all concurrently.
Here we go Again...
In a strange and twisted sort of way, it seems like a poignant reminder that life eternally revolves around - metaphorically speaking - having too many pots on the stove at all times.
A small part of me feels secretly happy that we are probably not alone in this experience...
Anyway, it feels like we're inhabiting a very strange fantasy world in which people have chosen a particular path because they believed that was what suited them best — and in many cases it actually was what "suited them best" — but in the course of actually having that reality they also realize that it has many drawbacks and disadvantages.
Or maybe they are just "challenges." I don't know.
Why the Long Face?
Perhaps we complain about those perceived drawbacks because ultimately we may have chosen the reality that authentically fit us extremely well, but we chose to overlook that it didn't fit consensus reality very well and therefore we invariably end up feeling like outliers who nobody cared about.
Being mostly homeschooled during my early life, with my dad typically being at work for long hours, I spent a lot of time at home with my mom.
Fairly regularly, my mom would have her girlfriends over, ostensibly to have tea but primarily to spend three or four hours complaining about their husbands.
I may have been a very quiet kid and rather withdrawn, but I was also very observant and pretty much everything I saw and heard sunk into me much like I was a sponge. Many of those conversations came in and ended up filed away in some great deep storage filing cabinet of my being.
If the Shoe is SUCH a Bad Fit, Why not Take it Off?
Even then (as a 7-9 year old), it struck me as very strange that these people would go to such lengths to present a perfect front to the outside world, but as soon as they were home or away from that outside world they would immediately resort to complaining endlessly about the very thing they were working so hard to maintain.
Of course it should be added that my mother and most of aforesaid girlfriends were what might be described as "gold digging social climbers" who had essentially chosen to marry wealthy and powerful men who were — in turn — primarily looking at the role of "wife" as being a pretty arm ornament to be paraded around anytime they went somewhere public... perhaps in a sad game of boosting their egos as part of a contest of "who has a prettier wife."
I never really understood that whole dynamic... and, as an adult, I have never really understand how so many relationships even in this day and age seem to stand and fall mostly on their practical applications rather than on whether the people who are in that relationship actually like each other.
And note that I didn't even mention the word "love" here, I just said like and that might even include even "somewhat tolerate."
I guess it all goes to show that there are different things that are important to us all, and they don't always make a lot of sense.
Which brings me back to all the things we are trying to save up for: A new water heater, a trip to Denmark next year, a spiritual retreat Mrs. Denmarkguy wants to go to, adopting a new kitten or two, paying our 2024 property taxes...
We call it "saving," but we can barely afford our daily life, as is. But without these potential dreams to look towards, odds are we'd just assume the fetal position on the floor and cry.
At least one of them might come true.
Probably taxes.
Nah... almost definitely taxes. Not very romantic, is it?
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Created at 2023-05-21 20:38 PST
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