Two nights ago, my boss told me that he had an assignment for me. Whenever my boss tells me that, I get anxiety and sometimes feel sick to my stomach. Let me back pedal...
I got a job that is way beyond my experience and if I want to use the lay man's words, way out of my league. I am talking a posh kinda thing that requires genius and creative minds. I had always seen myself as anything but...
So, he told me he had an assignment for me. And immediately, my mind shut down and that stupid voice rose above the quiet like, "uh oh! You are gonna get it."
Photo by Viktoria Goda from Pexels
Maybe I was, but we had no idea what he was going to ask yet so, I decided to take my mind off things and just focus on what I could control. And so, I did other things. Yesterday, he gave me instructions and descriptions of what he wanted. That sick feeling rose from the depth of me. The lady inside already screaming she couldn't. I had to shut her up. But that didn't make my gut feel any better. I became restless because this is not what I have done before.
I was at the salon but all my mind could ponder on was the assignment. I wasn't even excited thanks to the pool of negativity that swirled all around me. I knew that I needed to overcome that mindset but at that very moment, I did not know how. I came back home, and my mind was in utter chaos. I couldn't eat to my satisfaction because my stomach churned at every scenario presented by my mind.
But then, just before bed, I had detached myself to go into a space of calm. I do this when I begin to battle myself. I learned it from an article I read. It is almost a dreamlike state where I take my mind off every other thing and focus on one thing positive.
I focused on my new hair. I really like it. Especially since I had no idea how it would turn out after I chose it. This thought was my focus for about ten minutes before my mind wandered again. However, it did not just wander to the negative. Right after my assignment flashed in my mind and that feeling began to wash over me, I remembered the very first task I was given.
At that time, I was totally and utterly clueless to how this whole thing worked. It was a little over a month ago. I remember it like it was yesterday.
I had gotten a message with a list of tasks due for completion in a week. Things I have never done before and had no idea what they entailed. I got sick. I am sure @tengolotodo would remember. I got so sick I couldn't breathe well. The first thing he said was to focus on the little things.
It was one day at a time, one task at a time but we got it done. Each moment, when I would do one thing and submit, I would be ready and willing to start all over again because I was so sure my work was whack. But no. It was an applaud each and every time coupled with corrections.
I was still on my couch, my head buzzing with this images yesterday when I opened my eyes and came to a realization. We only magnify our problems.
I read a story by here that spoke about the same thing. We sometimes tend to glorify the little things, making a mountain out of a mole hill. Now, I am not down playing the past month of my life as I have gotten to learn things I had no idea of, but what I am getting at is how achievable those things seem if we would break them into smaller molecules.
I was seeing the height of all tasks combined and for a novice like me, it was definitely something I wouldn't have been able to achieve. But then, after listening to Tengo, I took a step back and began to take each task one by one; each one broken down to smaller things.
And that was the formula. Every single problem has a solution even if it looks like it doesn't. This past month, my brain had been drilled and my mind trained to think and handle things as best as I possibly can. I should have tried all possible solutions before admitting to changing a course of action. The people I work with have the "No Impossibility" mentality and they would demand something which may seem impossible but is actually a blessing in disguise.
I sat up on my couch. My mind whirling with how far I have come from the person I was a month ago. What immediately came to my mind was, If I could survive that, then this is a piece of cake.
As a lesson, I learned to always take a step back when I feel overwhelmed or inadequate. I have learned to always look behind me to foster the sense of gratitude. I have also learned to take each problem by small molecules and sizes. My boss said I would learn a lot as I work with him, and I am.
