It's been a while since I have posted a lesson from the hack, and that has been very intentional. I'll most likely write more about WHY I have chosen to pause that for a while (probably this week!) but for now - let me just address something very real.

Let me start by saying, I thought I was very very silly for feeling this way, until I read @elizacheng's post a while ago, where she expressed VERY similar feelings. Then, I knew I should share this with those who might benefit from it.

PHSD.

Post Hack Stress Disorder. Obviously, I'm making a play on letters there - however, if you've been hacked a significant amount - you'll know that it really truly is a trauma. Is it just like PTSD? Oh, I'm fairly sure it is not as significant as that. However, there are probably some similarities worth noting. I think knowing that you're not alone in it, helps. I think knowing that others feel the same, provides a bit of relief.

I happened to be hacked through my Metamask wallet. At some point in the day on April 29, I was rushing through some sites (trying to transfer money to someone in a timely manner) and I was hasty. At some point, I do recall clicking on my metamask and putting in my key. Metamask will sometimes log you out, and ask you to log back in using your seed phrase. I thought nothing of this - until approximately 12 hours later, my wallet was cleaned out of $18000 USD.

Devastating to say the least.

But what happened after?

I had some odds and ends in that wallet (that were more precious to me because they were MINE, not because they were WORTH much) that I transferred to a friend and then I promptly closed the wallet.

There was something about knowing that THAT WALLET was the access point of the violation that associated all bad feelings with it, and closing it made me feel safer. I knew I could open it at any time, and I actually still have the wallet. (nothing is in it) But I DID NOT WANT TO. I didn't analyze that too deeply - I had been hacked, I didn't want to open the wallet, Simple.

Several weeks ago, a friend asked if I had been holding some tokens, and told me to check THAT wallet. I hadn't opened it since April - so I thought - hmmm I MIGHT have had tokens on the BNB side of that wallet.

But the strangest thing happened.

My heart rate went through the roof, I started to feel panicky, and I actually physically started to tremble. It was almost the equivalent of going back down the same road where you had gotten mugged/assaulted. I kept telling myself to calm down - it was just a silly wallet! But it was almost as if I felt like opening that wallet would somehow trigger the hacker that I was there - asking for more abuse.

I confirmed that I didn't have any tokens in there, closed the wallet, and then kinda brought myself back to a place where I assured myself that all that I was feeling was in my own head. Take deep breaths, and relax. It was over, I'm smarter now, use the lesson to just be more careful in the future.

But I couldn't help feeling absolutely ridiculously foolish for this PHYSICAL reaction to an ONLINE attack that had happened 4 months ago? And yet - it happened, and most likely happens to more people than feel comfortable to admit.

So what is the point to all this?

I guess the point is - sometimes we feel like we're alone. We blame ourselves for these very real, very plausible, very understandable reactions. We get caught up in the "oh my gosh - this ONLINE WORLD is not the same as the OFFLINE WORLD" - and that is wrong. In my opinion, the online world can sometimes be MUCH MORE REAL and AUTHENTIC than the offline world.

Here is my advice.

1. TALK ABOUT IT
   Share what you went through. Don't drag it out - because that can be more harmful! But when the opportunity arises - SHARE with someone, HELP someone, and unload those feelings. Unpack them, and then LEAVE them to go make BETTER choices and live life.

2. BE CAREFUL,
   but don't live in fear. Fear (as we know from these last two years) has a way of destroying your mind and breaking you down into parts of the whole. Live with eyes wide open, but do not expect an attack at every turn. Adrenaline is good in spurts - not for your day-to-day existence.

3. MOVE ON.
   You do NOT need to open up that SAME wallet (and probably should never hahaha) - but CHANGE your keys, get a wallet you trust, do your research, and then take the steps to feel secure in what you're doing. Maybe it's a new platform, a new wallet, a new token. Whatever it is, take the time to get back on a horse that is SAFE and "ride like the wind, Bullseye"
   (hehe - quote from Woody, Toy Story)

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This post is part of the DreemPort Challenge this week, where we have linked arms with @wesphilbin and his #thoughtfuldailypost community. We will be shining the light on his community for two more weeks, encouraging others to participate, showering Dreem and HIVE tokens, and engaging with writers of all platforms that care to join! If you have a community that you would like DreemPort to come alongside in the future, please feel free to contact me!

Why does it matter what platform I use for the DreemPort Challenge?

Well - we love fun, healthy competition, and we find that showing your #tEEmspirit helps identify with all that heart and passion and joy! PLUS... every challenge - we tally up the posts submitted per platform - and if YOU are using the most preferred platform... YOU get extra Dreem Tokens! Just a little fun for representing YOUR favorite Hive frontend - or ANY platform in the blogiverse! (even your OWN blog). Cuz we believe in UNITING bloggers across all platforms.

It hasn't been done yet. We think we can - and we're gonna try!

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