For the longest time, I shut down or, rather, force stopped my emotions! I did this as a way to cope with all the ways daily adulting lures you into believing that... we all need to show up over and over again! Show up and perform in an attempt to create and provide some kind of future for our children.
The children we did or did not choose, and were blessed with nonetheless. I was told to show up and do my best every day. Consistency and grit were the two magic ingredients needed, and like any impressionable young person, I believed it! I believed that at a certain age and in some kind of magical alternative place, it would all just fall into place.
The reality, however, is so much less magic sauce and definitely leaves a bad taste in my mouth most days. What is actually going on, I shout loudly in my brain on a daily basis! How do you start at the beginning of this game of Snakes and Ladders and just keep landing on the Snakes?
I am definitely rambling. I know this. I'm just hurt, annoyed, and so, "For goodness sake, frustrated!"
How many more be patient paths do I need to travel down. I've done the work, and I've done the time. Even reading that last sentence is a reminder that I still have more work to do!
Yes I do! Probably more than I know.
My beautiful honesty with myself nudges me down these paths. I am just so grateful every day that writing it out helps me find the way through. It's in this process and in this belief that I ground myself and wake up to seize another day.
Thank you for reading 😀
With Love Always Justine ❤️
All Photo's Are My Own
Unless Sourced Otherwise lol 😆