It was a usual afternoon.
I was sitting in a vacant chair with my classmates, waiting for the professor to start the class, when they started the conversation about their current dating lives, relationship status, and past exes. Everything that is related to love and how their past relationships came to an end is what the conversation keeps flowing.
I’m just there, sitting, silently listening to their funny and lovey-dovey stories, when one of them asked me a random question.
“Hey! How about you? Are you dating someone right now?”
Casually, I said, ‘No’.
I thought that would end their questioning, but a follow-up question has been thrown at me.
“So… you’re still actively looking on dating apps?”
I shook my head in disagreement.
“I’m not on any dating apps, I haven’t even tried to use one either,” I replied.
They look shocked. Not believing what I just stated. The way their eyebrows raised at me as if I’m lying caught me off guard. They even recite dating apps they know one by one, just to clarify everything. One of them even joked that it’s impossible since he saw my profile on Facebook Dating.
I laughed it off; at the end of the day, it’s my words against theirs. Why would I lie about such trivial things?
I thought it was done. I already gave my answer anyway, but they asked a golden follow-up.
“Why not?”
I tried to process the question, but the only thing that I thought was that it doesn’t need to have a deep explanation at all. As if it’s kind of weird that I am just not actively looking. I became uncomfortable, honestly. Maybe I’m just overthinking the question, but that moment stuck with me for a while.
Why is being single by choice still seen as surprising? As if it’s not normal. As if at this age bracket, you are expected to indulge yourself in things like everybody else does.
Dating Feels Like a Default Setting Now, especially in this Generation
I actually get it. We live in a modern technology era, where you can almost do everything with a single click of your fingers. If you want food, book a Grab or Food Panda to accommodate your orders. You want to shop, but you don’t want to go outside? There are e-commerce platforms like Lazada and Shopee. You want to market yourself and look for a potential date? Just swipe left, swipe right, if you match, then chat, boom! What follows next is up to you.
It's almost expected that if you’re single, then you should try to be on dating apps. That you should be putting yourself out there. Somewhere where you can be seen. Some people might have these stereotypes that if you’re not dating, you must be just bitter, healing from a past heartbreak, or you’re just really busy to the point that dating isn’t fit to your priority.
But the question is, what if I’m just okay with it? With being single?
Like you're not desperate to find one, that you’re just content being single, and that you enjoy the company of yourself. Just genuinely okay being where you are.
I’m Not Against Love
I don’t hate love, alright?
I’m not the type of person who constantly rolls his eyes whenever I see a sweet couple out there. I am not the person who cringes or gags at ‘I miss you’ and ‘I love you’ messages (well, sometimes yes). Love is beautiful in any form. I love the idea of love. In short, I love love.
But I also love my peace.
I love spending a day without overthinking texts. I love the idea that I don’t wait anxiously for someone to see my messages. I love the idea that I’m solely focusing on myself and my career.
Dating sometimes is just like an emotional puzzle. And right now, I’m not in the mood to solve one.
Not Every Chapter Needs a Love Story
I’m not closing myself off to the idea of being in a relationship. Maybe someday, I’ll be on one, right?
Maybe I’ll swipe right and fall in love, haha. Maybe I will meet that person organically without the use of any dating apps or social media. Who knows? Life is full of unexpected turns of events and surprises.
But right now, I’m not into that. I’m not chasing love. There’s a much more important thing than that, and that is myself.
I’m choosing stillness in a world that constantly demands motion.
So, the next time someone reacts with shock when I say I’m not on dating apps, or not in a relationship either, I’ll probably just smile and say...
“Not everyone’s love story starts with a swipe.”
And mine? I’m okay not knowing how it starts just yet.
Have you ever felt this pressure to be dating, too? Or did you have to explain your singleness to others?
Let’s talk about it in the comments! Because honestly, it’s time we stop treating “singleness” like a flaw, like it’s not normal.