Hey everyone, It's been awhile. I have not had the urge to write for the past few months. I have been battling with finding purpose in life for quite awhile and foolishly fall into traps like World of Warcraft Classic Wrath of the Litch King re release... I finally realised today, I have such little time as is, why am I wasting it on these games that are a boring grind to me now? I feel trapped into things once I invest any amount of money or time into it.
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Would Love to dream of being an E-sport pro but that is far from reality... I enjoy gaming, but im so critical on myself, I don't even give myself a chance to get better at the game.
There goes one Dream I most definitely need to write off... I have all these fantasy's in my head that I daydream about often, like becoming a famous artist, or comedian, journalist, etc... It doesn't hurt to dream, but I don't end up pursuing a single thing.
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I was given 2 pounds of untrimmed Marijuana for free a couple months back, roughly the same time I moved back in with my mother. Well that definitely forced me into smoking weed again daily. I got to the point at the end where I was eating over a Gram of RSO (Marijuana Concentrate) and still extremely lucid, very little in terms of euphoria at this point(with smoking weed in general).
About a week ago I quit Weed, I was tired of waking up so depressed I literally thought about suicide up until I got extremely stoned every morning. This is not the usual response to cannabis, but I have such severe depression, my brain doesn't activate anywhere near enough of my neurotransmitters, so when I'm used to artificial dopamine like cannabis, when I stop I'm shit out of luck for a few days. I puked nonstop morning and night the first few days. Sat in bed most of the time, ate next to nothing, and wanted to kill myself every second of those days.
Lately I have fallen into playing a ton of Final Fantasy XIV another MMORPG, I just don't get stressed out playing like Wow was doing to me.
I'm applying for disability and dreaming of living in a van with passive disability income and traveling the country in a stealth van with solar panels and everything.
I will be streaming at Twitch.tv/squidgizzard so if anyone could drop a follow and check me out, and share me on social media it would be priceless. I just want to start entertaining people while I play games, I'm mostly in it for the social aspect, and streaming will help me gain some new friends so it doesn't feel so lonely being terminally online haha.
Thanks y'all for checking out this new post <3 please repost, vote and share.
Also please follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/sludlung and my youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgNKpogbmEIuoDHOw7OXz6g which I will compare and see if I get more success on youtube or Twitch. Regardless I will be posting videos I record.
