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How does being a giver make me a chump?
My priests taught one beautiful Sunday, “it is more blessed to give than to receive” words on the street also stated, “givers never lack’. But here I am, wondering why I feel like a chump for committing so much to these words that I heard over and over until they became part of my typical response to everyone.
I am at the point of calling it off with everyone, saying no to everyone who keeps looking at how they can take from me but never give back. What exactly is the gain of the giver? Disappointment, heartache, pain? Guess where this becomes really interesting. To make me feel less pain for giving so much and never receiving, they started to preach a different sermon. They said, “Give without expectations,” haha! What a way to win a broken soul!
You know, I gave my heart, all of it, and the only thing I wanted back was to get the same measure of love I gave, but no, I got less than a quarter back, don’t ask how I measured it. Obviously, I was not loved the same way I loved, and it broke my heart. I think about this every day, and I wish I had never loved.
This friend of mine needed financial help. He called at 4am in the morning and told me all of his troubles. I was deeply concerned that I found it difficult to say no. I checked my bank account and figured that I wouldn’t need the 500,000 I had for another two months, so I lent him the money. Guess what? It has been 1 year, 8 months, and 16 days and he hasn’t paid back a cent; he even stopped taking my calls.
3 years ago, I got involved in this community service. It was a voluntary service, and I did it with all of my heart. Gave my time and ensured that everything was always ready every time we needed to carry out a project. I gave my money for some of these projects and honestly felt happy about it. I gave my best to the organization for a whole year and six months. I even started encouraging many other people to join us to achieve more and make more progress with our work. Again, guess who got dumped when it was time for a reward, me. I wasn’t doing any of those for the compensation. Still, I didn’t think that if an opportunity came for serving members to be rewarded, I would be the least to be considered. A member even told me that he was sure that even if I was not rewarded, I would still be a good guy and serve wholeheartedly. Really?
I was reading Give or take by Adam Grant. He told a beautiful story of David Hornick and Shadder and how Hornik wasn’t allowed to invest in Shadder’s business because he didn’t give him a deadline like all other investors did. He felt Hornik was too much of a good guy and wouldn’t challenge him to give his best to the project. When this happened, David felt like a looser, a chump because he Mr. good guy had only made him lose the opportunity to become one of the venture capitalists for a viable project. Did this make Hornik change his mind about being a giver instead of someone who only seeks out his own good? He had been in this business for years; that is a very long time to realize that being a giver can make you feel like a chump at first, but you will end up a champ if you stick to your good.
This is where my stories change. After I ended the relationship that wasn’t too good for me, I found someone. I was so happy to meet someone whose energy matched mine and ensured that we both stayed happy with each other every single minute of every day. I get back more than I give, and I am encouraged to give even more.
Do you think my friend called me back and paid all the money he owes and 100% interest? Nah! But I had a serious situation which required so much money. I couldn’t find anyone to lend me the money; everyone I called had an excuse. It was devastating, and I gave up asking. I even decided I would never lend anyone a dime anymore. Miracles happen, sometimes, in the most hilarious ways, and that was what happened to me. I miraculously stumbled on money that I didn’t expect. An investment that a friend had encouraged me to take advantage of paid off hugely and helped solve this problem. Did you notice I said a friend told me about this?
Here is a fact, being a giver will make you feel terrible when you get nothing good in return; you will lack and be angry, but you will gain, and it will be an overflow of the good you did. Not everyone will agree with this, but then, let’s consider this as well, if we all choose to seek out only our good, what will become of the world? We can agree that the world needs a balance, right? So the givers are here to help create the balance, to cause good to flow even where disappointment and heartache has been previously planted.
Here’s a tiny suggestion if you read to this point, whichever side you belong, just ensure that sometimes, you pause and think, how much am I contributing to the wellbeing of humanity. Are my actions encouraging people to become better or making them wish they never experience people like me again?