I spent the majority of my childhood craving for a younger sibling. A male younger sibling to be precise because I wanted to know what it felt like to actually tell a younger one what to do and how to do it. Not all cravings are usually satisfied as my parents decided that they weren't having any more kids after me.
Source
I abided by their decision till when my niece–Meh Meh– moved in with us. I was ten years old at the time and my little niece moving in with us was one of the best things that could happen to me. Someone younger than me at last!
I was always in Meh Meh's space. I scrutinised every single thing she did because I didn't want her making any atrocious or bad decisions. In the beginning, she used to send off signals of discomfort but I paid no heed to them. All I held at the back of my mind was "she's a child and she needs proper guidance irrespective of her discomfort"–this came from me who was still very much a child too.
I can remember clearly how detached my older siblings were. They did only a handful of things and left Meh Meh to make her decisions on her own. I, on the other hand, kept encroaching and on one of those days when Meh Meh had taken enough of my indulgence, she reacted. My little niece yelled at me and started crying;
"Mah Mah, you don't have to tell me what to do at every point in time. I can also make my own decisions." she said amidst sobs and tears. My niece is a very enduring young lady and if she actually had an outburst, that means she was truly fed up.This was when I decided to take a few steps back and actually leave her be. I promised not to interfere directly, except I was asked to.
As I retreated, I expected Meh Meh to make a lot of terrible mistakes and of course she did. Instead of jumping right in and telling her exactly what to do and how to go about salvaging her mistakes, I just shared a few experiences. Sometimes, I shared directives and left her to actually choose whether or not she wanted to make use of these directives.
Slowly but steadily, she began making genius decisions. I eventually realized that my niece is a really smart girl who is always ready to make lemons whenever she's offered a few lemonades.
What Was The Major Reason Behind My Decision?
I am one very observative person. I like to sit quietly and just consume all the things people around me are doing. This is one of the major ways I learn. The people I used as a case study during Meh Meh's stay were my siblings. I thought they weren't concerned about the young girls' well-being but I eventually came to understand that people have their own autonomy and might not respond positively to direct instructions.
While one person is eager to learn from the constant directives of a guide, another person could prefer learning on their own with very little directives. We cannot always impose our views and beliefs on others. It's crucial to respect individual choices and allow room for self-discovery and decision-making. This way, both parties involved get to learn a thing or two from the experience.
Adjusting our communication approach may also come in very handy. This involves offering guidance, sharing experiences, or providing information without imposing directives. This way, we are encouraging the person to make decisions based on their understanding and willingness rather than feeling compelled to comply.
The experience with my little niece taught me that irrespective of how smart we think we are, sometimes, it's best to allow people to make their decisions–whether bad or good. Certainly, they may make terrible ones along the line but this is only part of the process. They have to fail in order to succeed. We all have gone through this phase at some point in our lives and we are still living testimonies of the fact that mistakes don't kill, they only make us stronger.
Love, Wongi 🤍