Durante el proceso de crisis, mis glóbulos rojos se destruyen como no tienen idea, el cuerpo queda tan agotado que necesita muchísimo líquido. Yo me sentía un bebé. Emocionalmente estaba destruída también, había culpa por ver a mi novio acompañándome y agotado al mismo tiempo. Se supone que estaría libre y descansaría. En cambio tuvo que salir a comprar alimentos para subir las defensas, hacer la comida y demás cosas que ameritan mi cuidado. Cualquier hombre no soportaría ver a su compañera así, infinidad de veces, por eso el corazoncito se me hincha de agradecimiento.

Siempre he pensado que no sufriría tanto, si el peso lo cargara yo sola. Y simplemente no se puede. A veces hasta necesito ayuda para beber agua. ☹️

Las emociones

Sé que esta es una catarsis que para algunos lectores, les pueda parecer fuerte. Pero es mi realidad y no me gusta esconderla. Yo puedo parecer y estar muy frágil pero basta que merme el dolor para que me vean bromear. Es lo que más admiro de mí, que hasta en los momentos más difíciles mantengo mi humor, creo que es una forma de aliviar la atmósfera y que los demás lo noten.

Pero por dentro, el malestar continúa, las emociones están a flor de piel. Sobretodo cuando caigo en cuenta de lo que dejé de hacer. Los compromisos con los demás me aguijonean como no tienen idea porque debo poner por encima mi salud pero en esos momentos en los que pasa el dolor, solo quiero "hacer y hacer".

En #hive y fuera de la blockchain tengo muchos proyectos y compromisos. Entonces estoy después pidiendo disculpas a todos los involucrados en ellos. Y creánme, no es nada fácil siempre pedir disculpas por algo sobre lo que no tienes control. Además, haces esfuerzo sobrehumano para avanzar algunas tareas que sencillamente no se pueden postergar.

Normalmente cuando ocurren estos dolores así de fuertes amerito 2 semanas, mínimo, en completo reposo. Pero chicos, #hive, es para mi, más allá de un espacio para crear contenido, es un hogar de terapia. Porque estoy sola todo el santo día, hasta que mi novio llega de trabajar en la noche. Mis amigos cercanos, también están trabajando. No tengo tv, así que si me ven activa en redes no es porque me sienta bien rápidamente sino porque es mi única distracción.

SEGUNDA RECAÍDA:

Puesto que mis defensas siguen bajas, mi hemglobina bajó a 7 cuando tuve dolor. Sin querer, me engripé fuertemente. Mi novio empezó con el malestar primero, yo seguía en cama sin poder hacer mucho. No le prestamos atención, y él tuvo que trabajar con todo y malestar. ¡Voilá! caí nuevamente. He tenido fiebre, tos seca, mareos... para mí es muy fuerte puesto que siempre genero neumonía, entonces ya comencé con los medicamentos y las nebulizaciones.

Había empezado a grabar, a estar un poquito más activa. Pero bueno, me toca otra vez la pausa. Y estoy en un rollo económico que tampoco me permite descansar, estoy sola preocupada todo el día, pensando qué hacer para ayudar a mi novio. Porque enfermarse es caro y lo que teníamos destinado a alquiler, se tocó para la comida "especial" que amerito en estos momentos. Todo viene de golpe semanas antes a mi cumpleaños y eso, también, me bajonea.

Así que sí, amigos, estoy soltando todo lo que no me deja avanzar tranquilamente.

EL ARCOIRIS🌈

Después de la tormente se pueden observar los arcoiris. En mi caso lo pude ver durante la tormenta y son esas personitas que me han dado muchísimo ánimo. Sinceramente, no me he sentido tan sola. Pero me gustaría darles un agradecimiento un poco más directo y personal, por eso no los mencionaré aquí. Ya me extendí suficiente. Pero ustedes saben quiénes son, así que:

¡GRACIAS TOTALES!

ENGLISH

Hello dear friends of #catarsis, today, I celebrate a week of relapses in my health. And today I wanted to sit down to write to vent a little because it has been strong what has been going through my head emotionally. Besides, this is a way in which we can keep each other company through our experiences.

RELAPSE AND MOOD

As a sickle cell patient, I know that relapses are part of my life. They come on, on many occasions, suddenly. At the beginning of last week, I had been feeling extreme fatigue and I chalked it up to my period, but for some reason - I hadn't been in severe pain for months - I didn't stop doing things until Wednesday or Thursday. It was so much discomfort that, yes or yes, I would spend most of the day sleeping. I drank my juices and even a little soup, but it was not enough.
On Friday I started with my crises and it affected me a lot. To this day I can say that I am tough to resist the pain. However, in those moments fragility is extreme. It made me feel so much because I have been moving into this new space for 3 months. And it gave me anxiety to think that I was alone and in pain. Well, because something I should mention, is that I always wake up well. And after breakfast or before breakfast, I start to feel the discomfort. So my boyfriend was not present, he said goodbye and I was "fine".

The ordeal started on Saturday. And I title it "ordeal" because I have no other name to explain the level of pain it gave me. There are simply no words. I shared a tweet about it. And literally what I wrote was true.

(Second round of pain. Send nice energies please. 😔Today it's 3000 times stronger. It hurts to breathe, eat and talk. But I write to distract myself 😅.
Audi you are super strong 💪I will leave it for the record.)

It hurt to talk, to breathe, to eat, to walk...everything. I try to go into zen mode, to not think and distract myself with simple things. But, I find it hard to watch a movie, play a game, something that forces me to keep my attention fixed on one point. I tend to accept company and just listen, listen to stories, gossip or joke with me. However, the latter is a bit difficult for others because, while accompanying me, I squirm too much, cry, then try to breathe comfortably, change position constantly, get up every now and then to the bathroom and can't walk, so imagine a spectator watching that. It's like witnessing Emily Rose without the creepy tinge.
Seeing the concern in others breaks me to pieces as I try to overcome the pain and the painkiller kicks in. The minutes take forever. The level of pain that was generated on Saturday was so strong that the whole chest area was swollen as if I had been hit. My ribs were as tender as if I had a fracture. So breathing was very, very difficult.

Why didn't I go to the doctor?
Because the pain started extreme, I literally could not move, so as the hours went by it was decreasing. I needed hydration and painkillers, that's what I did. That day I counted that I drank more than 5 liters of water. And don't panic, it is extremely normal, the level of dehydration I had forced me to drink water as if I had never drank before.
During the crisis process, my red blood cells are destroyed like you have no idea, the body is so exhausted that it needs a lot of liquid. I felt like a baby. Emotionally I was destroyed too, there was guilt at seeing my boyfriend with me and exhausted at the same time. He was supposed to be free and resting. Instead he had to go out and buy food to build up his defenses, make food and other things that required my care. Any man wouldn't stand to see his partner like that, countless times, so my little heart swells with gratitude.

I have always thought that I wouldn't suffer so much if I carried the burden alone. And I simply can't. Sometimes I even need help to drink water. Sometimes I even need help to drink water. ☹️

Emotions

I know this is a catharsis that may seem strong to some readers. But it is my reality and I don't like to hide it. I can look and be very fragile, but it is enough that the pain subsides for them to see me joking. That's what I admire most about myself, that even in the most difficult moments I keep my humor, I think it is a way to alleviate the atmosphere and that others notice it.

But inside, the discomfort continues, the emotions are at the surface. Especially when I realize what I have neglected to do. The commitments to others sting me like you have no idea because I have to put my health above but in those moments when the pain passes, I just want to "do and do".

In #hive and outside the blockchain I have many projects and commitments. So I am after apologizing to everyone involved in them. And believe me, it's not easy at all to always apologize for something you have no control over. Plus, you make superhuman efforts to move some tasks forward that simply cannot be postponed.

Normally when these pains occur this bad I deserve 2 weeks, minimum, in complete rest. But guys, #hive, is for me, beyond a space to create content, it's a therapy home. Because I'm alone all day long, until my boyfriend comes home from work at night. My close friends are also working. I don't have a TV, so if they see me active in networks, it's not because I feel good quickly, but because it's my only distraction.

SECOND RELAPSE:
Since my defenses are still low, my hemoglobin dropped to 7 when I had pain. Unintentionally, I came down with a bad cold. My boyfriend started with the malaise first, I was still in bed unable to do much. We didn't pay attention to him, and he had to work through it all. Voila, I went down again. I have had fever, dry cough, dizziness... for me it is very strong since I always generate pneumonia, so I started with medications and nebulizations.

I had started to record, to be a little more active. But well, I have to take another break. And I'm in an economic mess that doesn't allow me to rest, I'm alone, worried all day long, thinking what to do to help my boyfriend. Because getting sick is expensive and what we had destined to rent, was used for the "special" food that I need at this time. It all comes all at once weeks before my birthday and that, too, gets me down.

So yes, friends, I'm letting go of everything that keeps me from moving forward peacefully.

THE RAINBOW🌈
After the storm, rainbows can be observed. In my case I could see them during the storm and they are those little people who have given me a lot of encouragement. Honestly, I have not felt so lonely. But I would like to thank them a little more directly and personally, so I will not mention them here. I've gone on long enough. But you know who you are, so:

TOTAL THANKS!

• VLOG| DÍA DE RAYOS X // X-RAY DAY ⏳ [ESP/ENG]
• STORYTIME |Les cuento de mi recaída //This was my relapse [ESP/ENG]
• ¿ME RECUPERÉ? | LET'S TALK ABOUT SICKLE CELL ANEMIA 🌙🌶🩸