During our life we get to have friends that become like brothers, even more than the real ones, the blood ones, those that come out of our same mother. With luck you can get 1 or 2, but, if some wonderful plan is planned for you you will have 3 of these. That is the case of my mother, a woman who is helpful, generous, humble, cheerful and smiling with everyone. Life gave her 3 sisters, of which only 2 are left, to me she gave me 3 beautiful human beings whom I affectionately call ''aunts'' although we do not share blood, but, they have earned that position. They say that when they don't touch you, life gives them to you because you deserve them. This is the story of one of the beings close to my life.
María, una mujer extraordinariamente simpática, cuyos 50 años no se le notan en ninguna parte del cuerpo, proactiva, trabajadora, madre y abuela, durante toda su vida, ha sido pisoteada, humillada, subestimada y tratada como la cosa con menos valor que existe. La mejor amiga de mi madre desde que aun yo no aprendía a ir al baño, según cuenta ella. Durante los últimos 15 años de su vida ha estado en una relación que la he ha costado muchísimo, ha entregado a cambio de ella algo más valioso que el dinero; su dignidad. No voy a empezar a justificarla, así como tiene muchos valores que la hacen una persona única, esconde una personalidad sumisa capaz de aguantar las más terribles situaciones solo por mantener una comodidad económica la cual ella no puede tener por sus propios medios. A cambio de esta, ella ha vendido su dignidad.
Maria, an extraordinarily nice woman, whose 50 years do not show anywhere on her body, proactive, hard-working, mother and grandmother, has been trampled on, humiliated, underestimated and treated as the least valuable thing in existence her whole life. My mother's best friend since I was not even potty trained, as she tells it. For the last 15 years of her life she has been in a relationship that has cost her dearly, she has given up something more valuable than money in exchange for it; her dignity. I am not going to start justifying her, just as she has many values that make her a unique person, she hides a submissive personality capable of enduring the most terrible situations just to maintain an economic comfort that she cannot have by her own means. In exchange for this, she has sold her dignity.
Quizás no sea una historia especial, pero es la de un ser querido que ha decidido pasar por esto y nadie puede hacer algo para sacarla de donde está sumergida excepto ella misma. Más que contar su historia, es una manera de drenar todo lo que siento al respecto. Es parecido al sentimiento de impotencia que da cuando quieres salvar a alguien de las drogas, es cercano a eso. No es la mejor comparación que puedo hacer, pero, lo quiero ver así porque aun no entiendo cómo se puede sufrir tanto por elección propia.
It may not be a special story, but it is the story of a loved one who has decided to go through this and no one can do anything to get her out of where she is submerged except herself. More than telling her story, it's a way to drain everything I feel about it. It's similar to the feeling of helplessness you get when you want to save someone from drugs, it's close to that. It's not the best comparison I can make, but, I want to see it that way because I still don't understand how you can suffer so much by choice.
Como previamente dije, todo empieza con una relación que empezó hace 15 años atrás. El principio de la relación no la conozco pero no debe haber diferencia con el resto de la historia que ya me sé, no tengo dudas de eso. Aquel tipo con nombre de ángel era verdaderamente todo lo contrario. Un mujeriego soberbio con las ínfulas volando por los cielos, según él, todo se reducía a una simple ecuación: dinero igual a poder, poder igual a mujeres. Él era el vivo estereotipo de un hombre machista con buena posición económica.
As I previously said, it all starts with a relationship that began 15 years ago. I don't know the beginning of the relationship but it should be no different from the rest of the story I already know, I have no doubt about that. That guy with the name of an angel was really the opposite. A superb womanizer with his pretensions flying through the skies, according to him, everything boiled down to a simple equation: money equals power, power equals women. He was the living stereotype of a macho man with a good economic position.
Como todo lo que vuela alto algún día tiene que aterrizar, así debía sucederle a él. Durante toda la relación con María, mi tía, tuvieron miles de problemas a causa de sus numerosos amoríos con chicas jóvenes. El sufrimiento merecido de mi tía por no alejarse de las comodidades que este le brindaba salpicaba hacia las personas que la queríamos, más de una vez fui su pañuelo de lágrimas, sentía que ese era mi deber, de manera callada solo aceptaba lo que me decía. Las historias siempre fueron las mismas, la variante eran las mujeres; siempre se trataba de alguien diferente cada vez que se descubría amorío tras amorío. He escuchado conversaciones de mujeres que dicen que los hombres así, cuando llegan a la vejez y quedan sin nada, la única que estará para ellos es la que le ha soportado su promiscuidad y le ha abierto los brazos nuevamente, este caso, no está alejado de la realidad.
As everything that flies high has to land someday, so it had to happen to him. Throughout his relationship with Maria, my aunt, they had thousands of problems because of his numerous affairs with young girls. The deserved suffering of my aunt for not moving away from the comforts that he offered her splashed towards the people who loved her, more than once I was her handkerchief of tears, I felt that it was my duty, in a quiet way I only accepted what she told me. The stories were always the same, the variant were the women; it was always about someone different each time affair after affair was discovered. I have heard conversations of women who say that men like this, when they reach old age and are left with nothing, the only one who will be there for them is the one who has put up with their promiscuity and opened her arms to them again, this case is not far from reality.
Hay momentos en la vida que vuelas alto; cuando se esta joven y cuentas con dinero y tiempo. Pasas años haciendo a sus anchas mientras que tu esposa debe soportarlo porque lo tiene todo, así pensaba el, ese era su argumento para dicho comportamiento. ‘’Soporta en silencio, no estas llorando en la calle o tomando un autobús’’ lo escuche decir una vez, la soberbia la dejaba ver hasta cuando hacia un simple gesto con la mano. ‘’Que detestable’’ pensé para mí misma. En las buenas estaba rodeado de miles de personas; con negocios, carros, casas de playas y cuantos bienes más dejaba ver para conseguir la aprobación de todos. Derrochador como nadie; todos obtenían algo de él a cambio de la total reverencia y los halagos. Alcohólico empedernido; todos los fines de semana e incluso días de semana se reunía con su grupo de música y tomaban hasta que podían más, en esas reuniones conocía a la protagonista de su próximo amorío. Toda esa vida de derroche y promiscuidad iba a empezar su descenso más pronto de lo que él pensaba.
There are times in life when you fly high; when you are young and have money and time. You spend years doing your own thing while your wife has to put up with it because she has everything, that's what he thought, that was his argument for such behavior. He said: ''Bear it in silence, you are not crying in the street or taking a bus'', I heard him say once, his pride was visible even when he made a simple gesture with his hand. How detestable'' I thought to myself. In good times he was surrounded by thousands of people; with businesses, cars, beach houses and as many goods as he could show to get everyone's approval. A spendthrift like no other; everyone got something from him in exchange for total reverence and flattery. He was an inveterate alcoholic; every weekend and even weekdays he would meet with his music group and drink until they could drink no more, in those meetings he would meet the protagonist of his next love affair. All that life of wastefulness and promiscuity was going to begin its descent sooner than he thought.
Comienza hace 3 años, creíamos que todo había acabado, no lo voy a negar, creí por un momento mi tía sería realmente feliz al sacarlo por fin de su vida y tendría la libertad de rehacerla comenzando desde cero porque lo que el había hecho, para todos, era imperdonable. Uno de sus amoríos con una joven había traído consecuencias; estaba embarazada. Mi tía se sentía devastada, traicionada, como ninguna mujer debe sentirse menos siendo la culpa de hombre de esos. Él pidió perdón, sorpresivamente ella le exigió su mudanza, no permanecería en el mismo techo que él, afirmaba. Esa actitud fuerte no duro mucho, al transcurrir solo 27 días él ya estaba de vuelta como si nada hubiese pasado. Compartían la mesa, salían, ella se encargaba de la casa y su vida siguió adelante como siempre.
It starts 3 years ago, we thought it was all over, I will not deny it, I thought for a moment my aunt would be really happy to finally get him out of her life and she would have the freedom to rebuild it starting from scratch because what he had done, for everyone, was unforgivable. One of his affairs with a young woman had brought consequences; she was pregnant. My aunt felt devastated, betrayed, as no woman should feel less at the fault of such a man. He asked for forgiveness, surprisingly she demanded his removal, she would not stay in the same roof as him, she said. That strong attitude did not last long, after only 27 days he was back as if nothing had happened. They shared a table, they went out, she took care of the house and their life went on as usual.
Ella nos cuenta que esto ya había ido demasiado lejos, que él había cambiado, que esto le había servido para recapacitar. Solo nos tocaba apoyarla siempre en cada decisión que tomara, éramos simples oyentes, nos parecía más sensato no emitir comentario ante tal situación que sabíamos que volvería a suceder. Fueron aproximadamente 2 años luego de lo ocurrido, que de la noche a la mañana, el decidió despojarla de los negocios, los carros y los demás bienes menos la casa donde residían, le quito toda ayuda económica de manera radical sin dar explicación alguna. La dejo; se mudó de la casa que compartían. No lo volvió a ver por dos meses, meses en los que estuvo devastada, no sonreía, no comía, no quería salir de cama, al menos quería una explicación del gran favor que le estaban haciendo.
She told us that this had already gone too far, that he had changed, that this had helped him to come to his senses. We only had to support her in every decision she made, we were simple listeners, it seemed wiser to us not to comment on such a situation that we knew would happen again. It was approximately 2 years after what happened, that overnight, he decided to divest her of the business, the cars and other assets except the house where they lived, he took away all economic support in a radical way without giving any explanation. He left her; he moved out of the house they shared. She did not see him again for two months, months in which she was devastated, she did not smile, she did not eat, she did not want to get out of bed, at least she wanted an explanation of the great favor they were doing her.
‘’Conocí a una chica, no es una más, quiero todo con ella’’ fue la tan esperada explicación para despojarla de todo. Se imaginaran como se sintió; un fuerte dolor en el pecho la hizo desplomarse al suelo mientras lloraba desgarradoramente, sin consuelo, sin nada que la mantuviera de pie, de nuestra parte solo quedaba estar para ella; subirle el ánimo, apoyarla aunque los intentos fueron incontables, no hubo manera de hacer tal cosa. Decía que lo que más le dolía era el hecho de que la había desplazado de su vida, que sus amoríos no entraban a la casa, todo ocurría en la calle y se quedaba allá. Esta vez todo era diferente, alguien había venido a hacerse cargo de todo lo que le pertenecía: en el negocio licorero ella era la nueva gerente, su carro pasó a ser el de ella, su casa de playa era su lugar favorito de fin de semana junto a él y su pequeño hijo. Una mujer joven de 27 años que logro tomar el lugar de ‘’su señora’’ en su vida cosa que ninguna otra había podido hacer.
''I met a girl, she is not just another one, I want everything with her'' was the long awaited explanation to strip her of everything. You can imagine how she felt; a strong pain in her chest made her collapse to the floor while she cried heartbreakingly, without comfort, with nothing to keep her standing, from our part we could only be there for her; cheer her up, support her although the attempts were countless, there was no way to do such a thing. She said that what hurt her most was the fact that she had been displaced from her life, that her love affairs did not enter the house, everything happened in the street and stayed there. This time everything was different, someone had come to take over everything that belonged to her: in the liquor business she was the new manager, his car became hers, his beach house was her favorite weekend place with him and his little son. A young woman of 27 years old, she managed to take the place of ''his mistress'' in his life, something that no other had been able to do.
Su situación económica iba en bajada; tomar el autobús, escatimar en gastos, prohibirse ciertos lujos, todo eso y más era nuevo en su vida, doble era el sufrimiento ¿Amor por el o por sus comodidades? Ella afirmaba que era el lo que le importaba, cuando esos comentarios salían de su boca enfrente de mi madre y yo sentía que había una fuerte conexión a través de nuestras miradas y ahí nos decíamos todo lo que nuestra boca no. Pero la queríamos como a nadie, era nuestra familia y mostrábamos siempre nuestro apoyo incondicional aunque quisiéramos hacer lo contrario. Fueron meses distintos para ella, no se acostumbraba, pero, así como en un duelo, no había más opción que hacerlo. Estando en ese proceso de trabajar en su sanación, lo más inesperado ocurre.
Her economic situation was going downhill; taking the bus, skimping on expenses, forbidding herself certain luxuries, all that and more was new in her life, double was the suffering, love for him or for her comforts? She claimed that it was him that mattered to her, when those comments came out of her mouth in front of my mother and I felt that there was a strong connection through our gazes and there we told each other everything that our mouths did not. But we loved her like nobody else, she was our family and we always showed our unconditional support even if we wanted to do the opposite. They were different months for her, she could not get used to it, but, as in a duel, there was no other option but to do it. While she was in the process of working on her healing, the most unexpected thing happened.
No había pasado ni un año desde aquel día que se marchó, solo venia de vez en cuando a buscar algún documento que necesitaba, ella abría la puerta sin emitir sonido y el entraba sin hacerlo tampoco. Un día inesperadamente, empezó a frecuentar más la casa, la empezó a invitar a tener una cena afuera, la sorprendía con regalos, mensajes, detalles, tuvo su auto de vuelta. Empezó a hacer lo se le daba más fácil; tenerla de vuelta nuevamente. Ella, como era de esperarse, accedió a todos sus encantos. Fue cuestión de días para que él se encontrara de vuelta en la casa, pero esta vez muchas cosas ya no estaban; su negocio licorero había ido a la total quiebra, su camioneta dañada, sin dinero en las cuentas y financieramente por los suelos. Al igual que cuando se fue, no hubo explicación alguna sobre su repentino regreso, como mi tía estaba acostumbrada a vivir de esa manera, ya hace años le había entregado su dignidad la cual él seguía pisoteando y lanzando a la basura, ella acepto de manera sumisa todo lo que estaba pasando.
Not even a year had passed since that day he left, he only came from time to time to pick up some document he needed, she opened the door without making a sound and he entered without doing it either. One day, unexpectedly, he began to frequent the house more, he began to invite her to have dinner out, he surprised her with gifts, messages, details, he had her car back. He started to do what was easiest for him; to have her back again. She, as expected, agreed to all his charms. It was a matter of days before he found himself back at the house, but this time many things were gone; his liquor business had gone totally bankrupt, his truck damaged, no money in the accounts and financially down. Just as when he left, there was no explanation for his sudden return, as my aunt was used to living that way, she had given him her dignity years ago, which he kept trampling on and throwing away, she submissively accepted everything that was happening.
Fue cuestión de días para que mi tía se enterara de toda la historia detrás de su comportamiento, ese orgullo herido con el que había vuelto donde sabía que iba ser siempre bien recibido, escondía una cadena de hechos totalmente irónicos dada la situación: la novia nueva no se trataba de alguien única, estaba irónicamente, cortada con la misma tijera que él. Lo engaño, lo enamoro para tomar posesión de todos sus bienes, le hizo creer que lo que tenían era amor verdadero para sacar provecho económico, el karma fue el protagonista de esta situación. Él no se pudo recuperar económicamente de todo lo que se le había despojado, solo le quedo alquilar el local y vivir de esa paga para cubrir los gastos necesarios, así ha estado llevando su vida hasta ahora, la única constante: mi tía, condenada a una relación sin amor, por costumbre que sigue y seguirá teniendo los mismos patrones y esta vez a cambio de nada, no hay remuneración.
It was a matter of days before my aunt found out the whole story behind his behavior, that wounded pride with which he had returned where he knew he would always be well received, hid a chain of events totally ironic given the situation: the new girlfriend was not unique, she was ironically, cut with the same scissors as him. She deceived him, made him fall in love in order to take possession of all his goods, made him believe that what they had was true love in order to take economic advantage, karma was the protagonist of this situation. He could not recover economically from everything that had been stripped from him, he only had to rent the place and live on that pay to cover the necessary expenses, so he has been leading his life until now, the only constant: my aunt, condemned to a relationship without love, by habit that continues and will continue to have the same patterns and this time in exchange for nothing, there is no remuneration.
La dignidad es una cualidad que nos pertenece, que hace de nosotros seres invaluables y respetables, nunca debe ser degradada por una posición económica o por bienes materiales, es el equivalente al respeto que nos tenemos como persona, va tomada de la mano con nuestra autoestima que es la que nos impulsa en querer siempre avanzar en la vida. De una manera triste, esta historia solo quiero que sirva de ejemplo de lo que no se debe hacer en la vida, no hagamos de nuestra dignidad un tesoro barato que otro pueda venir a desechar. Nada lo vale.
Dignity is a quality that belongs to us, that makes us invaluable and respectable beings, it should never be degraded by an economic position or material goods, it is the equivalent to the respect we have for ourselves as a person, it goes hand in hand with our self-esteem which is what drives us to always want to move forward in life. In a sad way, I just want this story to serve as an example of what not to do in life, let's not make of our dignity a cheap treasure that someone else can come and throw away. Nothing is worth it.
Las imágenes son de mi autoria
The images are my own
Para la traduccion usé DeepL
For the translation I used the translator DeepL
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