Re-introducing dynamicgreentk
I figured I'd drop this introduction post in the PAL community. It's run by awesome people that do have good natured people who support Hive content creators such as @crimsonclad did I spell her handle write? It's been a while since I posted in PAL and I think this post would align with the PAL community.
Recently, I made the decision to come and start posting to Hive after a long break. To be honest, I never really got going on Hive since Ned sold off Steem to yet another seemingly filthy rich individual who really had no incentive to make Steem work aside from Egotistical needs like being able to manipulate people, resources, money markets and of course casually mentioning you own a blockchain at cheese and wine parties with untouchable people in untouchable places.
ANYWAYS!
My Name is Taelor Christian Kahrs. I'm 36 years old and I am from Las Vegas, NV. On the Hive, Blurt and Steem ecosystem of social media blockchains, my handle is @dynamicgreentk.
When I first joined Steem, I was living with my friend @dynamicrypto. He had created a few companies and websites centered around various eco-friendly endeavors. Unfortunately, none of these companies really gained traction. We hoped to take one of his businesses, Dynamic Green Industries, and build it up around Steem. Hence the name dynamicgreentk.
My journey on Steem was a fast and wild ride. It was uncharted territory back in 2017 when I first came on. Everyone was seeing massive gains with post promoting and bid bots, people in third world countries were living off Steem, young college kids were making logos and getting paid, some people even became professional commenters. It was an exciting time.
I don't want to get caught up in the past market bubble and steer away from introducing myself. I just wanted to say I was there and it was fun admittedly despite my extremely vocal issues about onboarding content creators, keeping content creators and the insane hive like sjw progressive mindset that leads to censorship thus the limiting of growth for the platform(s) i.e. all of our investments.
My interests currently are sustainable agriculture and livestock management. Plants and animals talk to me. They see me and I see them, well sometimes I tune them out because anymore the garden and when I water is when I can sort out my thoughts and still feel like life makes sense and to not fall into complex thought patterns that plague me. Truly, mother nature and her humble inhabitants are innocent and pure creatures who are always listening and responding to us and there are moments where I can see it all perfectly, the colors, the frequencies; where I can feel it all, the love, anger, confusion, static and clarity amongst the birds, trees and insects. It's truly a magical experience where I find myself tearing up because I am not fully enjoying this all like I should be as the understanding of what I created weighs on me in a good way. Like I am still valuable and can create good in this world despite pushing everyone away or feeling attacked.
A recent post where I walk around the garden:
Recently, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD because of extreme head pain and flashbacks that made me think I was experiencing dementia.
Complex PTSD
This website describes Complex PTSD very well.
https://highlandspringsclinic.org/blog/can-emotional-trauma-cause-brain-damage/#:~:text=Many%20people%20wonder%2C%20“Can%20emotional,%2C%20hippocampus%2C%20and%20prefrontal%20cortex.
It's been quite the journey up to this point.
I underwent 30 neurofeedback treatments recently to 'undo the knots' in my brain and balance out my brain waves. That helped a lot but I'm still left with the reality that I still need many more treatments and further testing to identify the Traumatic Brain Injuries associated with playing football in high school.
What is neurofeedback therapy?
Neurofeedback, or electroencephalography (EEG) in medical terms, is a non-invasive way to control and measure your brain waves and body temperature. This form of therapy allows your neurofeedback provider to retrain an otherwise involuntary body process – i.e. your brain waves – through conditioning. Source
It is quite a depressing situation. Having my whole life torn apart for no reason other than trying to do the right thing in a backwards and upside down sick society. Yes, I did make lots of mistakes and bad choices like trying to take a young prostitute, helping her change her life for the better just to have her traumas over shadow mine and end up with her running away with my boys in contempt of court out of state as my union and employer literally was harassing, physically attacking me onsite and covering at up. After 15 years being a member in good standing for that same period of time they also went out of their way to stop working me as I raised my two boys by myself with no family support. Thanks IATSE 720! IATSE 720 is the Union I have worked through in Las Vegas as an on-call Stagehand for tradeshows, meeting rooms, movies and TV shows.
National Labor Relations Board notice to employees from my employer and Union about not illegally firing me
So much negativity in my life leading up to my PTSD diagnosis. I truly thought I could build a sustainable farm at my friends house as a hail mary. It was going to solve all my problems. Spoiler alert… it did not.
However depressing my life is right now, I wake up and think about watering the plants and feeding the goats, instead of thinking that being a 30 something year old blue eyed white male with the middle name Christian who was also an orphan of a corrupt Las Vegas Top cop, is the reason for my troubles. My skin color, name and even my father's sins.
Hive and the community here is giving me encouragement to post and share more. I see positive stuff on Hive. I have to make that clear since I will have negative opinions as well in an upcoming post I plan on making.
So thank you to everyone who has been patient with me. I appreciate the support. If I ever come off unreasonable or negative, please know I am not completely stubborn and I am always open to civil and respectful dialogue with dissenting opinions.
Over the years, I kept joining and leaving discord after discord associated with Steem. My health rapidly declined from 2018-present. Many people I've pissed off, or have pissed myself off, have been the main issues for constantly leaving discord as well as having short patience. Anymore, to stop a fire from burning bigger than it should I leave the situation. Often I don't feel good about it, like I took a poop on someone's discord and left. Sigh.
Little did I know I had complex PTSD stemming from child traumas that fractaled out to my adulthood, mental health and physical health. I had been in a constant fight or flight mindset and to make it worse my mind has been stuck in overdrive since I was 11 years old when I woke up one morning and found my mother disjointed worse than any exorcist movie in the tub. My life was forever changed. My father had killed my mother and covered it up as a top cop in Las Vegas, NV.
You can only imagine, or can't, what I saw and witnessed from this corrupt Las Vegas Police force. This skewed my entire life.
Essentially, from 11 years old until just recently when I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD as well as Traumatic Brain Injuries, I was navigating life blindly and unaware of my condition and how it impacted relationships.
Unbeknownst to me, Complex PTSD stemming from childhood traumas causes brain damage after a prolonged period of time. A PTSD brain is stuck in overdrive. Always trying to figure out complex problems to complex situations that they typically get themselves into because they can see the complex patterns around them. It becomes a feedback loop that is fueled by dopamine. The brain produces too much dopamine and can't release it. This causes major problems in the long run such as dizziness, double vision, migraines, headaches, body tremors, temporary memory loss, vivid hallucinations in the form of Flashbacks and smatterings of colors in the peripheral vision just to list off just a few ailments I now have at various points in time.
Basically, my health has been in shambles since 2016 and it was primarily due to too much stress and not enough support or ability to handle everything. My brain was shutting off and my body followed.
My kid's mother had just run off in contempt of court with my two young boys. I went through a 2 year NLRB process with my Union and employer where I was harassed and physically assaulted on job site just to have my Union, IATSE 720, cover it up and fire me? I was homeless twice because my union stopped working me. Corona hit and my unemployment office has been committing fraud on my account for the past year and a half causing extreme financial troubles. This all happened since I stopped posting primarily on Steem in 2019 up until December 2020 when my head popped. And that isn't including the child porn I found on my family's computer back in 2004 which haunts me in all aspects of my life.
So from December 2020 until now I have been essentially rehabbing the damage in my brain and thought patterns. While I feel better since the neurofeedback treatments, I have not returned to work( due to lack of work) and just the thought of it paralyzes me. My head spins and I get flashbacks from my incident as well as all the things my Business Representative, Enrico Grippo, said about it. Which then spirals out to other unrelated thoughts about past traumas.
I went from being this unstoppable worker, who:
- has had a job for over 20 years
- a 17 year union career
- Always showed up on time
- Managed crews
- Progressing my talents
- No write ups
To now I feel discouraged socially, by my government, friends, Union, and employer to where I feel like I'm not needed or wanted by society. That this society views me as a toxic white male whose father was a corrupt cop and that I deserve even more of my troubles.
It does become a self fulfilling prophecy after a while. So here I am trying to keep my head up and catch up with my audience on who I am and what I'm up to, all the while trying to keep a positive frame of mind.
So do you want to know more? Did you make it this far? If you did, thanks. Hopefully, this post better helps you understand who I am right now as I engage on Hive.
I left a lot out on purpose. Mainly to not drag this post out or spew more negativity than needed.
My Youtube
My Instagram
Discord for Dynamicsteemians, a curation trail community on Hive.